“Gala,” I say, automatically correcting his pronunciation. “It was a Gala Day. And I dropped a cigarette on Emerald, which set her dress on fire. I did it on purpose, Jett. I mean, I didn’t mean to hurt her, or to… well, to burn down the hall, which is what happened. I just thought she’d stamp it right out and she’d be fine, but her dress would look shit. Which isn’t much better, I know, but Mum was so angry that Emerald got to be the Gala Queen instead of me, and I just, I just—”
I just don’t know what else to say, because there’s nothing Icansay now. There’s nothing I can do to make any of this better. And there never will be.
“I understand if you hate me,” I tell him. “Everyone else does.” I try to pull away. But Jett’s hands are still on my shoulders, his eyes are still fixed on mine, and he’s still standing there, looking at me as if I haven’t just confessed to being the worst person in the world.
“When I was 21, I told my best friend his audition had been canceled so I could go instead of him,” he tells me. “And I didn’t even get the role, either. He’s never forgiven me for it.”
“That’s… not nearly as bad as what I did,” I sniff, trying to sound normal.
“Maybe not.” Jett shrugs. “The point is that everyone makes mistakes, Lexie. And, okay, maybe yours is worse than mine, I don’t know. But I can’t judge you for it. I would judge you if you weren’t sorry for it, sure. But I know you are. I know you’re fundamentally a good person who’s done some things she regrets. You just need to believe that yourself.”
I chew my bottom lip nervously, not knowing what to say to that. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he cared about me.Reallycared, I mean. But Idoknow better.
Don’t I?
“Anyway, that’s why we can’t tell your mom about us,” Jett says, abruptly pulling away from me. “I don’t want you to be hurt by this. That’s the last thing I want. And I know it’s a mess,” he goes on, raking his hand through his hair in frustration. “It’s a complete fucking mess that we should never have agreed to it in the first place. But we did, and now we have to see it through. Please, Lexie.”
He turns to me with something like anguish on his face.
“I don’t care about my stupidreputation.” He says the last word as if it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. “I don’t even care about getting the role any more. If I’m meant to get it, I’ll get it, and if I have to pretend to be someone I’m not to get it, then I don’t even want it, anyway. I just care about not making your life here any harder than already is. But I can’t make sure of that unless you help me. Do you understand?”
He stands there under the glare of the ugly electric light bulb, and I am absolutely, 100% sure he’s being honest with me. This is the real Jett Carter: the one hardly anyone ever gets to see. The one I’ll do quite literally anything for.
“I understand, Jett,” I tell him, crossing the room and putting my arms around him impulsively. “I understand,” I say into his t-shirt. “And thank you.”
He just stands there at first, and then I feel his arms come up around my shoulders, wrapping me inhim.
“Why are you thanking me?” he whispers into my hair.
“For caring about how I feel,” I mumble, my face still buried in his chest. “For not hating me for what I just told you. For wanting to help me. I know I don’t deserve it.”
“Hey, that’s enough of the self-pitying talk,” Jett says firmly. “The Lexie I know is tougher than that. And she deserves to have someone who cares about her. She deserves to have everything she wants.”
We stand there for several long seconds, Jett’s arms still holding me close as I struggle to bite back the words that are on the tip of my tongue:
What if what I want is you?
I could say it. I could. I could just blurt it out, and if he was horrified by it, I could just pretend I was joking.
I could do that.
Before I can do anything, though, there’s a loud cough from the other side of the door, which swings open to reveal Mum, who grins broadly when she sees us standing with our arms around each other.
“Whoops,” she says, giggling. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you two lovebirds. I was just coming to find out if you have any wine in the house, Lexie? I thought we could open a bottle to celebrate me being back?”
“Sure,” I mutter, disengaging myself from Jett and going to open the fridge. “Here, “I say, handing her a bottle. “Glasses are in the cupboard.”
Mum smiles as she takes the wine from me, but there’s a look in her eyes that I can’t quite translate. A look that makes me feel anxious, like a cloud’s gone over the sun.
Just how long was she standing there, on the other side of that door?
And what exactly did she hear?
Chapter 33
It’s the night that never seems to end.
One bottle of wine quickly turns into two, and every time I think Mum’s surely going to get up and go to bed, she starts telling another story, and so the evening drags on.
