“What got you into art?” I asked. It was the quickest thing that came to mind as I searched for something to bridge the moment.
She smiled again. “I looked outside one day and realized there was so much beauty all around me. It was all there, and each second was different to the next. Something could happen to change the scenery. Anything. A bird could fly by. The wind could rustle through the trees and change the way the leaves looked. Or, it could simply start raining. I love landscapes.”
“It definitely sounds like you.”
“Thank you.” She smirked and winced. “Oh Xander, I just realized I didn’t get to do a painting for you.”
I chuckled. “That’s okay.”
She paused for a moment and brought her hand to her cheek. “What will you have to remember me? I wouldn’t have given you anything you could remember from me.”
I shook my head and looked her over then placed a hand at my heart. “Here. I remember you here.”
For now.
That was the plan. For now, whatever that meant .
It was something that gave me strength and something to hang on to.
This was goodbye for now.
Her eyes brimmed with tears and she blinked a few times then moved to sit next to me. I placed my arm around her and met her half way as she came forward to kiss me.
We kissed and kissed.
Like yesterday, it felt different. More sensual. Because it was. We were something more.
Yesterday I’d allowed myself to fall for her. Another reckless activity on my part. Reckless. That was the best word I could use to describe my actions. Just like everything else I’d done when it came to this woman.
Reckless when I knew the danger in being seen with her. Reckless when I knew being with her was a massive distraction. Reckless when I knew I had responsibilities.
Definitely reckless in the way I’d dealt with Armand when I beat him to a bloody pulp and told him not to fuck with me or my girl. The threat was also a declaration that she was mine. Because she was. She was mine, and I knew the truth of the matter was, that if I wasn’t thinking of responsibility I would have taken her away from this life and had the whole fucking mafia on my ass. I would have fucking done it from the day Giovanni hit her, and we’d barely kissed then. That was me.
That was the guy I was. I would have seen it as a rescue mission, although I would have had ulterior motives in doing so. Knowing I wanted her for myself.
Responsibility to a bigger cause was taming me, making me stop and think about what could happen if I were truly selfish.
That mission in Kazakhstan, when Balthazar took Vlad’s research, was only one of several things that burned in my mind on what could happen at large if I abandoned my duties. On that occasion, The Ra were able to sell the research to a bunch of anarchists similar to them and they made some kind of biohazard weapon they used to attack Sierra Leone. Five hundred people died. Two hundred were left crippled from the attack and while the government was able to rebuild the community to some extent, it was never the same. How could it be with so much devastation?
The worst part, which yes to me was worse than what actually happened, was that the weapon was never retrieved and neither was the research. That meant they could use it at any time. They were probably sitting there waiting for the right time to strike and no one would be able to stop them.
It wasn’t my fault but Kazakhstan felt like a failed mission to me for so many reasons.
That was responsibility.
Recklessness was making me steal this time with Jia.
Everything else I’d done with her might have taken on the edge of madness. I blamed myself for the way that I’d slipped up so badly on many occasions, not this though. Not yesterday and not now.
Me being with her yesterday felt like something I owed myself.
I owed it to us to spend my last day or two with her.
She ran her fingers over my beard and pulled back so she could gaze into my eyes.
“I think the bed is calling to us.” She giggled.
“Yeah. I believe you’re completely right. I can hear it loud and clear. It’s telling me to take you there,” I answered pressing my forehead to hers.
