“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Not that I’d wanted nothing to happen, but that was crazy.
That was my body talking—screaming, more like. It was screaming to be with a hot, sexy woman who made me want her even when I was trying not to. It was the part of me that skipped past logic and sense and went straight to wanting to get her naked with her long golden legs wrapped around me.
It was the part of me that yearned for escape from responsibility and stress, the responsibility and stress that came with being a single father to a sixteen-year-old. A single father who was still trying to get over the loss of his wife. Everyday with Aria reminded me of what I lost when I lost Olivia. It was a lot.
Again, it wasn’t that I wanted an escape; I just wanted a life.
Brooke was right—I needed to get a life.
“Ryan, for God’s sake, you have to change that. Nothing never accomplishes anything.” He chuckled. “I’m also going to point out that she’s the hottest woman who’s come your way in a while.” He nodded with conviction.
That was definitely true. It wasn’t that we had a lack of beautiful women in our town; it was just that she was on another level.
“I won’t disagree with that.”
“Thank God, because sometimes I wonder if you pick some of these women just because you know nothing will ever happen past a first date or a one-nighter.”
“Can I point out that you were the one who encouraged me to go out with a lot of them?” I couldn’t forget Mindy.
God, I still felt so bad about how Aria had treated her. It was so wrong on all levels, and I didn’t think she’d apologized yet. I needed to speak to her about that. Being mean was never good in anyone’s book, and definitely not mine.
“Hey, I just don’t want you to wither away. If the woman looks decent, I will at least give you some encouragement, and Brooke isn’t just decent—she’s hot.” He started to laugh then got a cautious look on his face.
I didn’t have to guess what he was going to say next.
“It’s my duty to make sure you don’t grow old alone.”
“You’re the same age as me pal.”
“You know what I mean.” The same wary look remained on his face. “I’m still searching for that special woman. I like fun here and there, and for a while that was all I wanted—fun. Now, though, I’m older, and I have a different mindset. I want different things now, a family—but you have that. You already found the love of your life.”
There it was.
Olivia.
I didn’t talk about her with anybody besides him, mainly because he was indeed like a brother to me. He knew me and he knew when it was okay to talk about the one person who’d probably hurt me the most.
It felt selfish to even think that, particularly because It was death who hurt me. Leukemia and death. Not her. Never her.
Still, knowing that didn’t make what had happened any less painful.
“Yes, I guess I did.” I sat forward and clasped my hands together.
“You know she’d be the first to agree with me.”
“What would she agree with?” I wasn’t following what he meant.
“That it’s almost like you purposely pick women you have no interest in.”
“Right. Yeah, she probably would.”
“And she’d ask you what the hell you plan to do with the rest of your life.” Aaron laughed.
I liked when he talked about her like that, like she was still alive.
“She’d probably tell me to get a life too.” Like Brooke had.
Outspoken women—that was it. It was the trigger for me.
