I look around the bar, scanning the faces for familiar blue eyes and that chiseled jawline no male model will ever come close to topping, but of course Reeve’s not here; he’s probably on a plane somewhere over Indiana. I think about that bestselling book my mom read over and over when I was a kid, the one about manifesting your desires just by thinking about them or some nonsense like that. I wish I believed in it, because Reeve would already be here.
I know the right thing to do is let it lie; he made it clear this relationship will never leave the boundaries of our college years. But I’m drunk and overflowing with unspoken words, so I text him.
Jade:What are you doing?
It’s thirty minutes before he responds.
Reeve:On the plane. Landing pretty soon. You?
Jade:Come to the Phantom.
Reeve:I’m not drinking tonight. We should get together tomorrow.
Jade:You won’t come out and see me?
Reeve:Are you drunk?
Jade:No.
Jade:Sorta.
I watch three dots flicker on my screen as he types, but then they disappear.
Jade:Is that a no?
Reeve:Tomorrow. We need to talk and you need to be sober.
Talk. That’s the last thing I want. I don’t want to finish the conversation we had at the pizza place. I don’t want to hear hisI like you, but ...bullshit. I don’t want any of it. I want to be in his bed, where everything feels good and no one says the wrong thing and time feels endless.
Jade:Wrong and wrong.
Reeve:??
Jade:I want to see you tonight. Don’t worry, I won’t talk.
The three dots flicker, then disappear for a few seconds before starting up again.
Reeve:Can you give me a ride home from work tomorrow? We can talk then.
Totally ignoring my request. Of course. Reeve always gets what he wants.
Jade:Yeah.
Reeve:Be safe.
A small, twisted laugh bubbles out of me. Be safe? I was until he came along. Now I don’t know what I am beyond confused and desperate for answers to tell me why my heart keeps getting it wrong.
THIRTY-NINE
reeve
All weekendI’ve wondered whether that ugly conversation in the pizza place was actually a gift dropped in my lap. What if I just let our relationship fizzle out from here? We’ve already had the awkward talk, so why create another one by telling Jade how I really feel? She’s upset because she thinks we’re not on the same page, and she’s totally right. She just doesn’t know how badly she misread my page.
What’s the point of trying to make it all better? Jade’s going to leave, and after twenty-one years, I ought to be used to that. I was stupid to think it could work out any other way.
Sunday, after a visit to the hospital, I shower and get dressed for work; then Cam gives me a ride to Somerset on the way to his mom’s house. I’m silent the whole way there. I haven’t been nervous to see Jade like this since the first time we met up at the library. She’s got a hold on me like nothing else.
Am I ready to let it go?CanI? I’ve never needed anyone like I need her. I call her my good-luck charm because my game has been on fire ever since she started coming out for me, but the truth is, it’s not luck. It’s having her in my corner. It’s knowingthat no matter what I do on the field, it’s all okay because I have Jade.
