I try to stay engaged while Jade goes on a rant about our manager, Cecily, but all I can think about is what I need to tell her. Is it nuts that I’m reconsidering my carefully planned future after such a short time with her? Or is it more nuts that I’m about to ask her to reconsider her own future, knowing that if she decides not to, nothing will ever be the same between us.
The guy working the counter sets a pizza down on the table between us. I smile watching Jade lunge for a slice and tear off a huge bite.
“So hungry,” she mutters by way of explanation.
I take my own slice and taste it. “I gotta be honest: This might be the worst pizza I’ve ever eaten. And when I was in high school, gas station pizza was a staple.”
Jade nods. “It’s bad, but only marginally worse than every other pizza place around here.”
“Yeah, the shit food options might be the one thing I don’t miss about college next year.”
“I hear Spain is a carnivore’s dream.” She raises her eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe I’ll take you out to dinner sometime.”
I glance up as a bell rings and the glass front door opens. The fortysomething guy who walks in looks really familiar. I can’t place him, but I know I should be able to. Friend of Cam’s parents, maybe. I duck my head and hope he doesn’t see me.
“So will you visit me?” Jade asks.
“What?”
She’s watching me closely. “I said will you visit me? Take your big, fancy private jet to Spain and visit me and the cockroaches in my crumbling shitbox apartment?”
I swallow, the pizza turned cold and hard in my throat. I blink at her like some big, stupid animal, ’cause that’s exactly what I am: a complete moron who just realized that while I’ve been fantasizing about her in the stands every Sunday and inmy bed every night, she hasn’t had a single second thought about her plans to move halfway around the world.
She looks at me expectantly, smiling because even the idea of me visiting like we’re old friends is a joke to her. I feel like I’ve just been punched in the gut. Twice.
“Um, hello? Should I take that as a no?” she asks.
“No. I mean yeah.” What was the question anyway? Will I go to Spain to visit the girl I was starting to believe might be at my side for ... well, forever? At the counter beyond Jade’s head, the guy whose name I should know has noticed me. He smiles and gives me a nod. Flustered, I give a halfhearted nod and return to Jade, who’s staring at me. “Yeah, I guess we’ll just see what happens with football.” I don’t even know what I’m saying.
Stone-cold silence is what I get in response, but what the hell kind of answer did she expect?
Yeah, sure, Jade, I’ll fly out to Spain and we’ll sip wine and giggle about that time I started thinking I could marry you and you studied super hard for a Spanish exam so you could get as far away from me as humanly possible. And then maybe I’ll watch you fuck some Spanish guy to really bring it on home.
My stomach feels like lead, and I swear the temperature in the restaurant has dropped thirty degrees. I know I should be saying something right now, but I’ve got nothing.
Jade balls up her napkin, crosses her arms, and slides her chair back from the table with an unapologetic screech. Her eyes settle on me. “You never even thought about visiting me in Spain, did you?”
“It’s not that.”
“You did think about it? Because you seem completely blown away by my question. I might as well have asked if you planned on joining the circus next year.”
“Okay, I never thought specifically about flying toSpain to see you; you’re right. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about the whole Spain thing.”
“Oh god.” She shakes her head. “Just save it.”
“Jade—” I start.
“No. It’s clear we’re in two different places. I’m sorry I asked. I—” Her voice wavers. “I made a stupid assumption.”
“Look, I think about us all the time.” Jade looks at me, her eyes fiery with emotion. So shewasasking for something real from me. But how do I tell her just how real I want to be with her? How do I tell her I was arrogant enough to believe she might axe her Spain plans for me? She’s talking about friendly visits, maybe with some wine and sex thrown in, and I’m talking drop everything and come with me wherever my career takes me. “I thought you were reconsidering Spain altogether.”
“Oh.” Surprise flits across her face. “I was for a little while, but I changed my mind. I submitted my registration for the interview last week.”
“Changed your mind.” Fuck. Fear surges inside me. I hate how much power this woman has over me. All she has to do is change her mind and I’m completely and utterly alone. How did I get to this place? “And you never bothered to tell me?”
“I didn’t realize you even knew I was considering not going to Spain.”
I snort. “I’m no Einstein, Jade, but I can pick up on subtleties like you telling me you don’t need Spain as long as you have me.”
