“Well, no. Of course she has to hold tight to the lie that her marriage is just peachy, but she was crystal clear she’s happy I’m going to Spain.”
“So you’re taking your mom’s advice? This is a milestone moment.”
“Are you saying that just to piss me off?” I say, trying toinject a little humor into the conversation. “It’s not so much her advice, it’s seeing her life and where her choices led her. Reeve’s mom too. Too many women make sacrifices for men that they regret, and I don’t want to make that mistake.”
A look of sorrow crosses Lenni’s face. “Hard to argue with that.” I know what she’s thinking. She wishes I was wrong because she wants me to stay. “I’m not trying to change your mind, but you said a few days ago you weren’t sure you even wanted Spain anymore.”
“I know. But I’d rather regret going than regret giving it up.”
“So you’re going.”
“I’m committing to the interview. And if they accept me ... I guess I’m going.”
Lenni nods and gives me a brave little smile that dissolves alarmingly fast into tears. “Sorry,” she chokes out, fanning her face.
The sight of her tears is all it takes for me to realize I’m on the verge of crying myself. “Oh, Lenni, no.” I reach for her hands across the table. “It’ll be okay, I swear.”
She nods quickly. “I know, I know. I’m proud of you, Jade, don’t misunderstand. If you’re doing what’s in your heart, then you’re doing what’s right. I’m just going to miss you.” She sniffs. “Everything’s changing.”
“Yeah. It’s fucking terrifying.” It’s terrifying what’s already changed. A few months ago I was so sure of where I was going and what I needed to do. Now I’m in love with the last man on earth I ever thought I could be happy with, and the only thing I’m sure of is I can’t imagine a future without him. It’s dizzying the way things can change. “But we’ll be okay,” I tell Lenni. “You and I will always be best friends.” So there’s one more thing I’m sure of.
She withdraws one hand to brush away the tears on her cheeks. “That’s true.” She nods. “What about you and Reeve?”
A swirl of emotions overcomes me: excitement, anticipation, fear, dread. “I can’t even believe I’m entertaining this idea, but ... I think we can do long distance.”
Lenni squeals.
“It’s wild, right? I mean, it’s a huge ask. Imagine what I’m asking him to give up next year when he plays pro.”
“You’re giving up just as much.”
“You think there’s any chance he’d give it a try?”
“Of course there’s a chance. And if he doesn’t, it won’t be because of other women.”
“Then why?”
“Because it’s going to be hard. Really hard. But you’re willing to do it for him, and if he’s not willing to do it for you, that’s something you want to know sooner than later.”
I nod. She’s right. But what if I don’t want to know? Things are so good right now. I don’t want to change a single thing by bringing up a hypothetical future—especially not a future he might never have considered.
“So when are you going to ask him?”
“When the time is right.”
“Uh-oh. I feel a cop-out coming on,” she teases.
“How dare you. Jade Kelly doesn’t cop out of shit.” At least she never used to. But that was before losing Reeve Dalton was on the table. “I’ll ask him. I just have to find the right words.” The right words to ask him to change his life for me. The right words to tell him I’m in love. No big deal—just my pride, happiness, and entire future on the line.
THIRTY-SEVEN
reeve
“Cheers to the man,”Cash says over the music, raising an overfilled shot glass of whiskey into the air above our high-top table. Lorenzo, Cam, and I clink our glasses against his, sending liquid running down my fingers.
We’re at the Phantom like every Saturday night, half the bar football players and the other half those who adore us. I never thought it would get old, especially hours after I broke a record for career touchdown passes during our blowout win this afternoon. But the compliments are starting to sound hollow, I’m tired of politely turning down girls hungry to flirt with me, and they’ve cranked up the heat in response to the first night of below-freezing temps this season, leaving the crowded room hot and stuffy. I want to be home in bed with Jade, but she’s working and my friends have been giving me shit for never staying out late anymore, so here I am trying to smile and pretend I’m happy, as I should be after today’s performance.
I slam the shot. “Thanks. Shoulda happened back in September, but when your D is weak, even Superman can’t perform miracles.”
