I know he’s joking, but my stomach does a flip anyway. “I thought you just wanted to talk.”
“Did I say just?” His smile is wicked as he turns in the direction of the Bronco.
Of course I follow.
I hoist myself into the passenger seat of his car, the mottled beige fabric smooth and pleasantly worn under my bare legs. The air inside is dark and silent and smells faintly of him. In here, it seems impossible to get away with anything but the truth, so I don’t wait for him to ask me again.
“I was avoiding you,” I admit. My voice is barely above a whisper, but it’s plenty loud in here.
Reeve nods.
“You’re not the person I want to have ... confusing feelings for. I made up my mind a long time ago that I can’t stand you, and I don’t like to be wrong.”
“So you’re admitting you were wrong?”
“No,” I say quickly. “I’m admitting I’m confused.”
He looks out the windshield and wraps his hands around the steering wheel, thinking. The backs of his hands are scratched up, and I wonder what happened. My fingers long to touch his rough skin. “Then maybe we go back to the night you made up your mind about me.”
I pause. I know Lenni has long since forgiven Reeve for the night he rejected and embarrassed her, and I know Reeve thinks it’s not my business. But nobody gets a pass for making my friend cry.
He swings his gaze to me. “I don’t know if I can make you understand what was in my head that night, because you’re not me and you didn’t grow up with my mom. But she’s a mess—always has been. And even though I was probably five when I started taking care of her more than her taking care of me, that doesn’t mean it didn’t wreck me every time.”
My heart pangs. “Hold on, Reeve. You don’t have to say anything else if you don’t want to. You were right; you don’t owe me an explanation.”
He swallows and nods. “And if I want to tell you?”
“Then I’m right here.”
He pulls his eyes away from mine and looks at his hands on the wheel. “I guess I just want you to know that anyone other than Cam seeing what I came from—seeing my mom at her worst—is borderline traumatizing. I couldn’t think straight.”
“That’s okay,” I say quietly. “I think I understand. And even if I don’t, it’s still okay.”
“Anyway.” He looks out the windshield and with a forced smile adds, “If you want to run screaming from me and my fucked-up trauma dumping, I don’t blame you.”
I wait until he looks at me, his smile long gone. “I don’t.”
He nods and lets out a sigh. “But I’m guessing that’s not the only reason you’ve been avoiding me.”
Right. I forgot where we were. “True.”
He waits expectantly. “Jade Kelly at a loss for words?”
“Okay, I guess it’s that being around you can be intense. The kissing, the things we talked about; you know.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“I like it. But I don’t really want to go down that road right now.”
“What road?”
I struggle for words. A relationship? No, he’d laugh in my face. I know he’s not after a relationship with me. “Starting something that has to end in a few months. I need to stay focused on graduating and getting into my program. I can’t afford to get distracted by ... feelings.”
“Totally. Feelings are for losers.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I’m right there with you, these next few weeks are do or die for me.” He looks past me out the window. “Everything in my life has been leading up to this. If I don’t get it right, I’m fucked.”
