“I guess. Parts that make me want to know him.” I think about the quick, intoxicating hit of adrenaline that came over me when I spotted my earring on him. Reeve Dalton took my earring, pinned it to his sweatshirt, and walked out onto the football field wearing it. Shit, I can’t think about what that implies.
She gives me a playful smile. “Know him in the biblical sense, you mean?”
I laugh. “Here I am trying, for once, to be a grown-up and talk about emotions instead of sex and you just have to?—”
“Okay, you’re right. I don’t want to ruin the moment. Tell me how you feel about him.”
I pause, trying to sort it through myself and waiting until a loud and clearly wasted pack of Shafer fans are safely behind us in the parking lot. “I want to get to know him because I can’t help thinking that if I did, I’d understand him completely. There’s this little undercurrent of connection between us.” I think about the night at the library, that longing to know him. “I’ve missed having that with someone.” Silence stretches between us, and when I look at Lenni, I spot hurt in her eyes before she blinks it away. “I know I have you, but things are different.”
She swallows. “Are they that different?”
I hesitate. I haven’t explicitly told Lenni how much I miss the way things were between us before she and Cam got together, because I don’t want to make her feel like she has to apologize for falling in love. But holding back doesn’t come naturally to me. “They’re different. And that’s okay—nothing can stay the same forever—I just miss you. I miss when you were my person and I was yours.”
Her forehead creases. “Even when you were with Sam, I was your person?”
“Of course. You couldn’t feel that?”
“No, you’re right. I felt it.” She smiles. “I’m sorry if I haven’t had time the way I used to.”
“Nah, don’t be. I’m a great fuck, but let’s face it, I’d never be able to make you come the way Cam can.”
Lenni laughs. “No. But you’re still my person. That’s never going to change.” She looks at me and narrows her eyes. “Unless, of course, you continue keeping secrets from me.”
“I thought it was a fluke.”
“And now?”
“Maybe it wasn’t but ... Reeve and I could never be.” Sadness surges inside me without warning. I blink and look away from Lenni.
“Why not?”
“So many reasons. Half the time we can’t stand each other, plus he’s a total player. And his life is football and mine is getting the hell out of here as soon as possible. The last thing either of us is looking for is a relationship.”
“Those are good reasons,” she admits, making me realize I wanted her to tell me why I was wrong.
“So you’re not going to argue with me?”
“Nope. Jade Kelly does what she wants anyway.”
“What about when Jade Kelly doesn’t know what she wants?”
“You tell me.”
I sigh. “I avoid him as long as possible. And in the meantime I hope that it all starts to make sense.”
TWENTY-ONE
jade
“Shit,”I mutter into the mirror, trying to move my lips as little as possible so I don’t mess up my eyeliner worse than I already have.
I’m on my third attempt—third!—at winged liner. I haven’t needed more than one try since I perfected the look back in tenth grade. But I also haven’t been this nervous in just as many years. And it’s not a cute nervous, either; I can’t pull that off. I’m not one of those girls who can giggle her way through her nerves or, like in the movies, walk into a door and then recover with a littletee-heeand a flip of her hair while her crush watches and thinks how adorable she is. I’m the kind who trips over her own tongue and showers the cute guy’s cheek with spittle. Fortunately, I’m not the nervous type, because if I were, I’d probably still be a virgin.
After four days of successfully avoiding him, I have to work with Reeve tonight, and I still have no clue how I’m going to handle it. He’s texted twice to say what’s up and ask when I want to meet for tutoring again, and I’ve put him off by saying how busy I am. I’m not exactly lying; it’s just that I’m mostly busy thinking about how it felt to kiss him and what to doabout him. I’m still not even sure what’s making me so nervous. I only know the way I feel around him is unfamiliar and dizzying and the most unexpectedly intense connection I’ve ever had with anyone.
I sigh and dip a Q-tip into makeup remover to wipe away the eyeliner on my left eye and start all over again.
Reeve is already there when I get to work. My skin prickles the second I see him. He looks amazing, the same but somehow better despite the fact he’s in his usual perfectly fitted collared shirt with his usual perfectly styled hair. I get a few free seconds to stare before he turns and sees me. He smiles like he knows I’ve been avoiding him and maybe he likes it. He probably thinks I’m playing games, but I’m just trying to survive. Powerless to do anything else, I smile back and then head to the hostess station. For once I’m grateful that for this shift, I’m just a lowly hostess.
