I snickered. “Oh, we role playing? How much for a love me long time?”
“Yo, shut up.” He pushed me back onto the bed and leaned over me. “Answer my question.”
“I’m fine.”
“Baby, I need you to get used to me asking that. It’s my job to know how you feeling always… before anyone else, I shouldknow what’s going through my woman’s mind. How I can fix it…. Hear me?”
“Yes.”
He kissed my chin softly and then pulled back and looked at me. “Tell me how you want me to treat you, Boobie? A man that can’t take direction isn’t a man… teach me how to love you.”
My hand rested on the side of his face as I looked up him. “Want me to answer honestly?”
“Yeah.” His voice was low, full of anticipation.
“Fragile.”
I half expected him to laugh because the answer sounded stupid when I said it out loud. Instead of laughing or making me feel ashamed, he kissed my neck. “Tell me why you want me to handle you like you’re fragile.”
As I looked into his gentle eyes, I choked over my words. “Means you’ll be careful with me… won’t toss me to the side. You’ll be intentional with me.”
Recommendation: Listen to Ready, Willing and Able by Jaheim
“No one has ever been?” he gently questioned.
I shook my head no, while he swiped away my tears. “No one.”
This was starting to feel like a therapy session, and I didn’t like how it felt. I felt exposed, and uncomfortable because I was allowing someone to see the pieces of me that I had become good at hiding.
“I need you to understand something. Zoya, I’m always going to handle you with care. Works both ways, baby, I need you to allow me to do that. I need you to give yourself to me and wantto give yourself to me. Trust that I’m never going to fumble you because I’d rather die before I do some sucka shit like that.”
“I’ve always had to be strong… It was something we all had to be. There was never any room for me not to be, Goo. Shit is hard allowing someone in. Giving someone access and permission to break every part of me because I finally gave them that piece of my heart.”
“Give me that piece, Zoya. Trust me to come through on my word. I’m not those niggas from your past. Beloved, I shouldn’t have to pay for their crimes. I’m here until we sitting in our yard watching our generations play… I put that on Koko.”
I busted out laughing and then winced. “Ouch… oh God… why, Goo? It’s Roxy.”
He laughed. “I’m not even leaning on you for you to be yelling ouch… you been wincing all night, the fuck wrong with you?”
“Not sure if I should even tell you.” I tried to wiggle out from under him, and he held me in place.
“Tell me.”
“I refuse.”
He tickled me and I screamed out, squirming while trying to get away from him. “Okay… Okay,” I finally surrendered.
“I’m waiting… I’m gonna start biting you next.” He softly nibbled my neck, and I squealed, trying to move from under him.
“I’m ovulating, and those cramps are just as bad as my period cramps.” I admitted, knowing I opened up a can of worms.
Whenever I was ovulating, I would end up leaned on the sink breathing through them. Women couldn’t catch a damn break. First, we had to bleed for five to seven days, then we had to experience cramps when the egg dropped.
If you were getting fucked frequently, you had the option of that egg becoming a baby. Pregnancy came with its own struggles, and then there was labor and postpartum.
When the hell did women get a break?
Yes, if we were lucky with a man that wanted to be a father and partner, that was one less thing to worry about. However, he couldn’t take the pain for you.
