“Okay, that’s a relief.” She laughs, then sobers. “We should’ve invited Nessa and Hamish today. The older Hamish.”
“Granny would’ve liked the market,” I agree.
“Bummer.” Callie frowns. “Sorry we scared your parents away.”
That’s what she thinks? I don’t know how she reached that conclusion, but I don’t like hearing her take responsibility for any of their erratic behavior. “You can never predict what they’re going to do, Callie.”
“This way!” Mrs. Winter calls.
Callie lifts her hand in acknowledgement, and we start down the street after her parents. We pass a cider booth and inhale a plume of warm cinnamon and apple.
“Don’t feel responsible, because you’re not. I’ve never been able to guess at their choices or why they make them.”
She looks at me for the space of two booths before speaking again. “That must have felt very chaotic as a child.”
“It was difficult when I lacked the emotional maturity to see they weren’t intentionally trying to hurt me.”
“But Rhona’s helped you to see it’s their own mental challenges at play here and not a fault of your own?” she guesses, playing with the ends of her new red scarf.
Maybe it would be better if Rhonahaddone that. “Not exactly. She’s helped me to accept them as they are.”
“Healthy distance and boundaries?” she asks.
“In a way.” I shrug. “When they’re around, I’m pleased to spend time with them, and when they’re not, I don’t press them for more than they can give.”
Callie stops, pulling at my sleeve to bring me around to face her. “Gavin, that’s not facing anything. It’s allowing toxic behavior to persist.”
I want to argue with her, but I’m fairly sure she knows far more than I do on the subject.
Her brown eyes are so bright in this light. “Listen…can I give you advice? I don’t want to overstep.”
“Aye, Callie. You can.” I want to brush my thumb over her lips and slide my fingers into her hair, but I settle for her full attention instead. The light out here is so clear and bright, making her rosy cheeks and pink mouth bright against her pale skin.
“It makes sense that you learned to lower your expectations to protect yourself. That was probably a survival skill when you were young. But strategies that help us as children don’t always serve us well as adults. If you keep minimizing their impact, you’re also minimizing your own feelings. Acceptance is good, Gavin, but real acceptance also means setting boundaries that protect you, not just tolerating whatever they give. You deserve more stability than that.”
Her words slam into me. I can feel the truth in them, see the patterns she’s referencing. As a child, I didn’t have any other recourse but to accept my parents as they are and try not to let it affect the way I viewed myself. Granny and Grandad played a large role in that. But now? As an adult with autonomy and self-respect? Perhaps boundaries are not a terrible idea. If therapy has taught me anything, it is the importance of valuing my feelings. Having Callie shine a torch on the way I’ve allowed myparents to inadvertently minimize them is unpleasant, to say the least.
Callie chews on her lip, searching my eyes. “Did I say too much or is this just you processing?”
“The second one.”
She exhales, her breath clouding in front of us. “You don’t need to do or say anything you’re not comfortable with, but just remember you’re worth fighting for, too. You can set your boundaries and be firm without disrespecting your parents.”
“Rhona has made similar points, but she framed it differently. I think she’s probably tried to get me to see things this way for a while, but I’ve been too closed-minded to accept it.”
Callie shrugs. “The parent-child relationship is extremely layered and complex. Things have to be done on your timeline.”
I want to kiss this woman. Is there a more understanding, caring, kind-hearted soul in all of Scotland? In just the last few minutes, she brought clarity to something I’ve struggled with for the majority of my life. I’m aware this is likely because I respond well to her and the way she crafts explanations, but gratitude still overwhelms me.
“Now the tricky part,” she says, wrinkling her nose.
“What’s that?”
“Applying it.”
“Must I?”
“No. You’re an adult. You get to choose if you want to continue toxic behavior or not. There’s definitely something to be said for doing nothing. If you continue as you’re going, then you don’t ruffle any feathers and your parents continue to speak to you as frequently as they do.”
