That had been my thought. “But he’s a bird. He doesn’t need to ride a sled. He can fly.”
Callie tilts her head to the side, gazing into my face like she can read my soul. “On their sled, he wouldn’t be flying alone.”
I swallow hard. “Should I have the children notice him?”
“Yes.”
“Even if real life doesn’t mirror this situation most of the time?”
Callie eases herself onto the desk so she’s sitting beside my sketchbook, looking at me. Her legs swing over the side and it looks like she’s thinking hard. “What are you hoping for this to say to the kids who read it?”
That’s a loaded question. First, I’d have to figure out what I want to feel myself. All I know is I’m that bird, and no matter what I do, I don’t feel like I can join the two people who should mean the most to me on their epic adventures.
Maybe the problem isn’t that they don’t want me to join them. I don’t think there is an active thought in either of my parents’ heads tonotinclude me. It’s that they don’t notice whether or not I’m around to begin with.
“I have some experience watching from afar and wishing I was included,” I say vaguely. “I’m sure other kids have felt the same, but I’m stuck at this point in the book. The bird could be noticed by the kids. He could be included and enjoy a ride down the hill. I worry it sends a message that the people who ignore you will one day change.”
Callie’s legs stop swinging. “Your parents.”
“Am I so transparent?”
She shrugs, and it looks cute. “Things seemed a little strained.”
“That’s accurate. And I’m nearly thirty. I don’t want the children who read this book and identify with this bird to hear the message that things will improve over time, because sometimes they don’t.”
“Have you talked to your parents, told them how you feel?”
“No.”
“Maybe they don’t know.” She sounds hopeful.
I want to argue that they’re too old to be oblivious, butthat’s not true, is it? “They’ve always had a relaxed parenting style. I never took it to mean they didn’t love me when they would forget to feed me dinner or leave me at a mate’s house until ten because they forgot to pick me up. My mum is so easily consumed in my dad or whatever new thing has caught her attention that she loses track of time. I can’t expect her to change. I shouldn’t teach children to expect change, either.”
“No, I agree. That wouldn’t be healthy. They can only control themselves.” She dips her chin. “Same with you. So how do you control the situation, or your feelings, in a healthy way?”
“I taught myself to cook. Started riding my bike to my friend’s houses so I could get home on my own. Found adults who could sign my permission forms.”
“Nessa?”
I sit forward. Callie’s thigh is resting beside my forearm on the desk. “Aye, Granny has done a lot for me over the years.”
“You’re so strong, Gavin. Not everyone has the strength to do those things.”
“It was borne of necessity.”
Callie leans forward and puts her hands on my shoulders. Her position is precarious enough that were I to move, she would fall. Her trust in me fills a void. “You still made those choices. You could just as easily have sat back and waited for things to change. I don’t know why you feel the need to deflect compliments, but I’m right. You are incredible.”
Her praise is like fire over my body, threading through her fingers into my shoulders, down my chest. My heart thuds from her nearness, the fruity scent of the pastilles she was snacking on after dinner, and the deep, serious look in her brown eyes. She draws her bottom lip into her mouth, and her white teeth sink into it.
I lose all sense of sanity. Those two front teeth are the only things I can focus on.
She’s so close to me now, her hands digging into my shoulders.When I force my gaze away from her mouth, I find her looking at my lips.
Okay. Great. So we both want to kiss. Would that be so bad? Why did I stop her before?
Oh, right. Because she’s my guest, she doesn’t live here, and in a week and a half she’ll be returning to California. With no hope of a future, making out with her now is only going to end badly.
“It kind of feels like you want to kiss me,” she whispers.
