He licks his lips. “Kissing, for example, is much better after a relationship has been established. I don’t enjoy meaningless connections, and I don’t find value in them.”
Meaningless connections. I can’t even count how many of those I’ve had…but they weren’t all meaningless, to be fair. Can’t there be some value in the power of distraction…yeah, okay, I see it.
Gavin might be on to something here. Not that I’m going to let him know that.
“You’re entitled to your opinion,” I say.
“That doesn’t mean it’s easy to push away a beautiful woman when she’s smiling at me like that and clearly willing. You should be proud of my restraint, Callie.”
“Proud or annoyed? If you had less restraint, I could have marked something off my bucket list that night.” I don’t really feel that way, do I? The emotional connection he talked about? It’s been alongtime since I’ve felt that with a man.
Maybe even…never? I was emotionally connected to my high school boyfriend, but he went to Stanford and we didn’t stay together after graduation. He’s happily engaged now, and I’ve been over him for years. But he was a boy. We were kids. That kind of connection with aman? Yeah, I don’t know if I’ve ever had that.
“When do you know you’ve reached the point where you’ll kiss a woman?”
Gavin runs a hand over his chin. “There haven’t been many relationships in my life, Callie. Blair has taken up quite a few years, so I have little to go on. But I think when we reach the point of becoming mates, not just dates.”
Mates. He means friends. “I think we’re friends.”
“We are.”
“So really, I should’ve waited a week, hung out with you constantly,thentried to kiss you.”
“You would have been far more successful, aye,” he says huskily, his eyes never leaving mine.
Heat pools in my belly. I can’t tell if this is a signal or not. But at this point, and with how long we still have to remain in the same house before I head back to California, there’s no way I’m going to subject myself to his rejection again. Even if my chest is rising and falling like I ran a 5k and I can’t even hide that from him because of how my breath clouds in this cold.
Gavin leans closer, his breath mingling with mine. His eyes fall to my lips, leaving me with no confusion about what he’s thinking about right now. Which doesn’t mean hewants to, for the record. Just that we’re talking so much about kissing that he’s thinking about it too. What would it feel like to kiss Gavin Mackenzie?
Good, I bet. He’s tall and strong and intentional…yes, it would feel very intentional. My stomach tightens just thinking about it. And his eyes haven’t left my lips.
Is he actually considering kissing me? I don’t know if I want him to do that for a bucket list. If an emotional connection is that important to him, he shouldn’t sacrifice his ideals for me.
Honestly, I might agree with him…orwant toagree with him…just a smidge.
But haven’tweformed an emotional attachment? I’d call him a friend. Maybe we’re not in love, but if he lived on the same continent as me, I would one-hundred percent want to pursue something with him. The ocean between us kind of gets in the way, though.
Despite all the reasonable thoughts I’m having, my heart is pounding like a jackhammer.
His attention is locked in. “Callie?—”
“We found a tree!” Ruby calls, breaking the spell.
If we were in a movie, we would have sprung apart. Instead, he drops his head back and lets out a long breath.
“Coming!” I call back in the direction of her voice.
Gavin says nothing. When we make it back to the group, Violet is standing beneath the tree I’d originally selected, jumping up and down because she can’t contain her energy. “This one! We picked this one!”
“That tree is perfect!” I say. Does the girl know it’s the one I originally tried to steer her toward? Probably not, and I’m definitely not going to tell her. “You did such a great job.”
“Will Father Christmas like this tree, Mummy?”
“Of course he will. Now let’s stand back so Luna can chop it down.”
Rhys laughs and hands his wife the ax, which she takes with a wide grin. “I’ll need some help, but I’ll take the first few swings.”
She makes a good dent in the trunk before handing off the ax. Rhys notches the ax even deeper before glancing back at me. “Anyone else want a turn?”
