There’s silence on the other end of the line.
“Bekah? Did I lose you?”
The blinker goes again. “No, still here.”
They’re whispering to each other, which sends a nervous feeling through my stomach. “What’s going on?”
“Just tell her,” Bekah snaps.
“I could get in trouble for this.”
“I won’t say anything,” I tell them. My hands shake and I sit forward on the sofa. “What is it, Peter? Was I not chosen?”
“They already selected people. Langard wanted it taken care of before he went on vacation, so we went through the applications that day. Your essay was good, but it came down to experience. Two others in the department have already worked with youth before.”
My stomach falls to the floor. “How can I gain the experience without the experience?”
“I know. I fought for you, and not just because we’re friends. I think it would be a good change. But clinical supervisors are set for next quarter. You’ll have to find something else next summer and make a switch the following school year.”
“I’m sorry, Cal,” Bekah says.
“No one has been notified, so don’t repeat this information, please.” Peter sounds stressed.
“I won’t. Don’t worry. Thanks for letting me know so I don’t have to sit here and wonder.” I give a little laugh, but it sounds hollow.
Luna’s brow furrows.
“Anyway,” I say. “I better let you go. Love you, Bekah. Merry Christmas, guys.”
“Merry Christmas,” they chorus.
I hang up the phone and drop it on my lap, then lean back and close my eyes. This can’t be happening. I think I might be spiraling, but slowly. In a weird, slow, spinny way.
“What was that about?” Luna asks.
“The she-devil is going to be my clinical supervisor again this quarter. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it for another five months.”
“What she-devil?” says a different voice.
My eyes fly open and find my mom standing over me, a scowl on her face. “Nothing.”
Her eyebrows rise. “What happened?”
“I hate school.” The words slipped out of me, but once they’re free, I don’t regret saying them. I don’t usually keep things from my mom, so trying to hide how unhappy I’ve been has been a heavy challenge.
Shock falls over her face.
I sit up. “Okay, that’s not fair. But Alex’s girlfriend Kayla is my clinical supervisor, and I swear she’s doing everything she can to make school a nightmare for me. It can’t last forever, and I can persevere, but I don’t love it anymore. I’m starting to question why I ever wanted a doctorate in the first place.”
Mom blinks. She sits on Luna’s other side and reaches across her lap for my hand. “Why didn’t you say anything? We thought you loved UCLA.”
“I did for the first few years. But I miss home. I miss seasons. I just want to work with kids, and I can do that with a master’s degree. Joining the doctorate program might have been a bit hasty.”
“Oh, Callie.”
I shrug. “It’s only five more years.”
Mom scoffs. “What’s your plan?”
