I press my hand to my heart and let my eyes find Emery in the mirror. She’s sleeping so soundly, more so than she has any other night here. I’ve watched her sleep for countless hours, fitful and chasing approval from her fucked-up family the way I had my mum.
Did she ever hear me whispering to her? Telling her that she was safe. Telling her that as long as I could withstand, I would not let anything harm her. Not even me.
I won’t.
My eyes find my reflection once more.
I will not hurt her. I won’t kill her.
If only I could trust myself. I shake five pills into my palm and swallow them before lifting Emery from the table and taking her to the corner of the room where I press my back against the wall and slide down until we’re on the ground. I stroke her hair back softly and whisper sweet nothings long after the lights go out. Long into the darkness only something as monstrous as me can see in.
31
EMERY
Bright lights flashas I’m running through the dark forest, barefoot and in one of the dresses my mother used to buy for me. I know I’m being hunted down in the final trial, I just don’t know by who. Why don’t I have my tactical gear on? Where is Cameron?
I misstep and tumble to the ground. Pain blisters up my side, and the pursuer is on me before I can even think about getting back up.
The muzzle of a rifle is aimed at my forehead, and every hair on the back of my neck rises as I recognize the masked soldier. His eyes are lazy, hooded with disinterest as his finger caresses the trigger.
“Cameron? It’s me, Emery!” I try to bring him back to his senses, but he only stares through me, like I’m nothing.
“Mori. My name is Mori, and unfortunately it’s your time, Emery. My promise to you.” His voice is like a river of moonlight. He pulls the trigger, and I’m drowned in that ocean of darkness he lives in.
My eyes jolt open, and my heart hammers so hard that I sit straight up. It’s dark but I can see significantly better than usual.It’s not lights-out yet? I look to the hallway for the overhead lights, but everything is off.
“How do you feel?” His voice sends a shudder up my spine. The image of him putting a bullet through my head so effortlessly resurfaces, followed by the reality that he made me swallow two of the death pills.
I look at him, drowsiness lingering in his eyes. He tries to reach for me, but I quickly leap from his lap and back into the center of the room. His face drops and an anguished frown forms over his features.
I shouldn’t be able to see his face in the dark. I shouldn’t be able to… My attention goes to my body. I smooth my hands over areas that hurt so badly before I passed out that I feared death in the next trial. My shoulder is fully operational with no aches, and my leg doesn’t bother me at all although I know it should.
“There’s no more pain.” My voice is hoarse with shock.
Cameron gets to his feet and approaches me. I take a wary step back. He stops and considers me for a moment before raising his hand for me to come to him. “I fixed you, Em.”
My brows knit and a pang forms in my chest. “I didn’t ask you to.” He looks disheartened for a moment. I walk effortlessly from one end of the room to the other, and a small, uncertain smile grows over my lips. “I’m not in pain anymore.”
His eyes light up at my words. I take his extended hand.
“Can you see the darkness for what it is now?” he murmurs against the shell of my ear. Chills erupt across my skin. I’ve never felt so weightless in my entire life.
I’m mad at him for pushing this onto me. But the relief I feel is stronger. I know he’s only doing what he thinks is right, and he’s so fucking corrupt that I should’ve known he’d do it whether I agreed or not.
“Yes.” I press my cheek against his broad chest.
He’s quiet for long, stretched out seconds. Pulling away, he traces my bottom lip with his thumb thoughtfully. “Can you see me for what I really am now? How crooked I can be for you?”
“Yes,” I say breathlessly, letting my eyes take in every sharp angle of his lovely face, every dark scar and tattoo.
“And you accept me for it?”
I hold the longing gaze of my villainous, terribly broken soldier, then nod.
“Good.” He tilts my chin up. Those bright eyes of his demand my attention. “Now I don’t have to hold back.” I let out a breath of air as he steals away all that remains in my lungs. He kisses me hard, fervently, like we’ll never have a moment like this again.
I grip his shoulders, letting my fingers glide up his taut neck as he devours me. His tongue coaxes my mouth open and I relent, letting down my guard entirely to the beast that was made to destroy me. He breaks away for a moment, throwing a stack of towels to the floor before guiding me back onto them. He hovers above me.
