I must fall asleep at some point because I wake to him quickly getting out of the bed and running to the bathroom.
I slip chasing after him, not feeling the pain of the cement on my knee because of the adrenaline furiously pumping through my veins. When I reach the edge of the bathroom, the sound of Cameron vomiting his guts out hits me. My legs tremble as I glance down at the ground. In the dim lighting, there’s a small trail of blood that leads to where he is now, bent over a toilet like an ill child.
Proof that he’s suffering.
Proof that he’s a person.
My knees softly hit the ground beside him. “Cameron, what’s happening?” My voice is weak and twisted with fear.
His body shudders as he expels more dark liquid before toppling to his side.
“Cameron!” I gather him in my arms. His body is heavy, and fear surges through me at the thought of having to try to carry him out of here.
Cameron’s eyes are barely open but he grins, teeth stained a dark, pomegranate red. My heart dashes over a beat. I look at the toilet and see same dark liquid is all over the bowl.
Tears form in my eyes. “Where are your pills, Cam? Will they help?” I smooth his hair back and try to keep him awake. His head drops into my arms, and he is unresponsive.
I swallow the dread and negative thoughts that are screaming that he’s going to die and drag him across the tiles until he’s under a showerhead. I turn it on and let the hot water crash over his body.
Please be okay. Please.
His eyes fly open and he takes a few erratic breaths.
“Emery?” he croaks.
Tears race down my cheeks, hidden by the shower. “I thought you were going to die,” I say with a whimper. His eyes soften before he lets them close.
“This has never happened to me before,” he whispers so quietly I almost don’t catch it. His expression twists and a groan vibrates deep in his chest.
“Are you okay? Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” I stand to go retrieve his pills.
He catches my arm and guides me back down into the stream of water. We stare at each other. “It’s part of the stimulants. General Nolan warned me that this could happen.”
Anger wells up within me. “And you readily agreed to it?” I’m aware of how upset I sound, because Iamupset. Though I don’t know why. It’s not my business what he does with his body, but the idea of him hurting like this… I grit my teeth and force my eyes away. I stand and take a few steps back.
“Emery, wait.” He groans as he sits up.
“I can’t watch this, Cameron.”
“Watch what? I told you I’m not in pain?—”
“Just stop!” I shout, throwing my hands in the air. “I can’t watch a human being go through what you’re doing to your body. It’s…painful for me to see. It hurts to watch you not hurt.” I force my eyes away and start walking again.
He catches me by the wrist before I reach the doors. I stop but don’t turn to look at him. His wheezy breaths make me clench my jaw. We stand here for many moments, frozen as we wait for words to find us in the dark.
“Why does it hurt you?” he asks, his voice so genuinely curious that it stings. It’s as if he thinks it’s so odd that someone could actually be concerned for him.
“Because I care about you.” The words fall from my mouth and taste like salt.
His grip tightens on my wrist before he lets go. My hand falls to my side, but I don’t move. I listen as he closes the distance between us. He’s so close that I can feel his body heat radiating like hot coals on my back.
“Don’teversay that again.” His cold tone makes me flinch. “I’ll tear you apart if you do.” He traces a finger down my spine, chills erupting down the path of his finger. “Do. You. Understand?”
My jaw trembles. He’s so unpredictable and self-destructive. “I don’t. I don’t understand, Cameron. Why can’t you?—”
He shoves me forward, nearly sending me to the ground. I catch myself and straighten, whirling to look at him. His hand is around my throat in a heartbeat, backing me against the cold wall.
I struggle, but it’s futile. His grip is stone. His eyes are lifeless.
