At least I’m not the only one suffering.
I jerk to the side in an attempt to break out of his hold, but he senses it and nudges his foot toward himself, effectively sending me straight to the ground.
Asshole.I fume as I stand back up and we get into the same stance. This time, I make sure to brush my hip against his crotch. His eyes narrow and he flexes his jaw. I take the moment of his focus being broken. This time I elbow his stomach and twist in his hold.
He makes a grunt, and just when I think I’m going to break free, he catches my arm and takes me to the ground again. This time he’s toppled over me, knee between my thighs and hands pinning both my wrists to the ground.
We both take shallow breaths. A lock of his soft hair falls over his forehead, blocking out one of his eyes as he remains above me.
My chest warms and I become hyperaware of everywhere he’s touching me. He draws a languid line down the tender side of my wrist, his knee nudges my legs apart just enough to press against my center as he leans down.
He dips to my neck, and against all warning flags waving in my head, I tilt my head back and expose my throat to him, hoping for…
Cameron bites my neck.
“Ow!”
He releases my flesh and smiles against my skin. “Dead.”
For the love of God, this man is demented.
“Let me guess, you’ve used that move before.” I turn my head to the side as he leans back and lets go of my wrists. He must see the deep red in my face as much as I can feel it.
He chuckles. “Are you saying you haven’t? Your teeth are a vital weapon.” He stands and offers me his hand. I expect to see a shit-eating grin on his face and am surprised when I find him genuinely smiling at me.
I take his hand and he swiftly pulls me up.
“That’s good for today. I was hoping you’d get it down before breakfast, but we’ll do this again every morning until the trials begin.” He tugs on one of my braids and nods his head toward the door. “Let’s go eat.”
12
EMERY
Tomorrow we’re being shippedout to the trials.
A deeper connection has formed between me and Cameron since Wraith tried to kill me. The early morning trainings have been absolute hell, but I’ve gained a wealth of knowledge and confidence when it comes to close combat.
Cameron is responsible for every bruise, cut, and sore muscle, yet I find myself yearning for more time in the dark with him. More time in our intimate silence as he proves to me just how easy it is for a trained Dark Forces soldier to terminate me. How easy it is forhimto take my life if he wanted.Whenhe wants to.
I wonder how many people have fallen at his hands? How many more will fall after me? The thought is distasteful. It forces dreadful images of people I’ve also betrayed in the past. The look in their eyes when they know you on a personal level is always what lingers the longest.
Though I’m grateful for his personal training sessions, I worry about how our dynamic has changed. How I’m knowingly letting my guard down when I’m near him. I only wish the lingering looks and stolen glances he takes wouldn’t stir an ache in my chest the way they do.
Over dinner, the drill sergeant notifies us that we’ll be transported first thing in the morning. The first trial won’t begin until sundown once we’ve all reached the remote location.
Wraith still has to participate, even with his ruined arm. Nine days in a cast isn’t enough time to heal from a wound like that before being thrown into the trials, which I’m assuming are going to be outdoors and somewhere here in Alaska. There are plenty of vast landscapes and mountains where no one would know these events are even happening.
I’m already dreading how cold it’s going to be and brainstorming ways to keep warm without a fire.
One way involves sharing body heat, which I doubt will be an option. I side-eye Cameron as he settles onto the cot. Dark circles ring under his eyes and allude to his shitty night’s rest. I don’t know how he keeps control as well as he does for all the deficiencies he’s had. At least his bloody noses haven’t been as bad as the one in the bathroom. I’ve never seen someone collapse and nearly pass out from one before. He said it’s a common side effect of the pills, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.
“Did all your time in the library make you feel more prepared for the trials?” Cameron murmurs behind me, and there’s a hint of sarcasm in his tone. Every spare moment down here that isn’t in the weapons room, I’ve spent in the library stuffing my mind with knowledge on everything from psychology to killing to survival. He brushes his hand through my hair to keep it out of his face, I think. I shut my eyes and savor the endearing feeling of it while I can.
I stare into the darkness, knowing everyone else in here is probably lying awake and dreading tomorrow as much as I am. We’ve been left completely in the dark about what to expect. Cameron told me it changes every year, so he wasn’t sure whatto expect either, but he certainly doesn’t seem concerned about it like the rest of us.
“Maybe, it depends on what the trials entail,” I whisper back. We both know we’re on our own out there; everyone else down here wants us dead. He only nods and doesn’t speak for a few minutes. So I change the topic. Nerves always make me chatty. It helps keep anxiety from building up.
Reed told me that when I feel the anxious demons building inside my chest, instead of trying to push them away, I should welcome the fear they bring. That the rejection of the emotion led to worse things, such as panic attacks.
