I pause in the doorway, turning my head slightly to glance back at him, but I catch myself and force my chin forward. “I don’t trust you, just like you don’t trust me,” I recite his words from before.
He doesn’t follow me out as I leave him in the infirmary.
I was right about my hand being useless tonight. My fingers are so swollen I can’t even curl them into a fist, let alone have the precision to braid my hair. I decide to just leave it down tonight after my shower.
It’s already lights-out and the barracks are dark. I’ve walked this path so many times by now that I easily make my way back to our cot. There’s a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that Ishouldn’t get used to this place. It sucks, and it’s dangerous, but it’s the closest thing to a home I’ve had in years.
The presence of other people is underrated. I know what it’s like to be alone for weeks on end in a big, empty house or a foreign hideout. My only quality time with someone was with Reed when he was allowed to travel with me during my mentorship with him. That felt like home.
This feels like home too now, and knowing that it’s going to be short-lived guts me.
Cameron didn’t wait in the showers like he usually does. I know it’s because I screamed in his face about it, and although I feel bad, it’s for the best if we aren’t close. Hecan’tbe what makes me feel safe.
He called meEmtoday. I’ve almost called himCamseveral times. We’re becoming too familiar. My father’s only advice rolls through my memory. “Em-bee, familiarity with the enemy will be the death of you.”I firm my resolve. I can’t let my guard down. That’s probably exactly what happened to all of Cameron’s old partners. They got too comfy around his charm.
I sit at the edge of the cot and gather my hair to one side before lying back, being mindful of my throbbing hand. Cameron is quiet for a long time. I assume he’s sleeping, so I startle when he threads his fingers through my loose hair.
“No braids tonight?”
“Do you always touch my hair when you think I’m asleep?” I shoot back.
He chuckles. The rumbling of it against my back makes a small smile grow across my lips. I don’t know how he’s so good at dismissing the bad blood from earlier, but I’m relieved.
“Here, sit up.” Cameron is already moving, so I concede and sit at the edge of the bed. He collects my hair from over my shoulder, his fingertips skating over the soft of my neck before fondly smoothing out my hair in his hands.
My breath hitches and a feeling I’ve long since banished coils in my chest. Affection. Soft. Tender. All things that Mori is not supposed to be.
All things I’m certain he’s not.
“What are you doing?” I whisper, chills running over my arms as he separates my hair into two sections. He massages my scalp as he loosens my natural wavy hair. My fingers dig into my knees and heat pools in my core. I can’t hear anything except the sound of my racing heart.
“I used to have a foster sister,” Cameron murmurs, his breath warm against my nape. “I’d braid her hair all the time.”I didn’t know that he was in foster care.It’s the first real thing I’ve learned about his past, and I’m greedy for more.
I always wished I’d had a sibling to grow heartless with. Someone to share the weight of the world placed on a Mavestelli heir’s shoulders.
“What happened to her?” I ask gently. Soft snores from the beds around us sound almost like a rhythmic hum in the darkness. An eerie hymn for the Under.
Cameron weaves my hair carefully, slowly, like he’s savoring every second of it. “She died from alcohol poisoning at twenty-two.” His voice tightens. “I always told her the bottle would be her demise if she didn’t get help. Well, she made the bed she now lies in.”
“And did she tell you the same about your pills?” My tone is soft, but a blade nonetheless.
Cameron’s hands stop briefly before he finishes tying the braids.
“No. I was clean when I knew her. She left the home four years before I did,” he says. I turn to face him in the pitch-black. “You can make all the jabs you want. Nothing you can say will make me stop. This is who I am. I’m the gateway to unlockingenhanced soldiers.” He brings his thumb to my chin and nudges me playfully even though he sounds somber.
“You’re so much more,” I murmur, not returning his light mood.
He doesn’t move for a beat. I wish I could see his eyes clearly right now, they tell more secrets than I know he ever will.
His voice is smooth. “You haven’t even seen a fraction of what I am.”
11
EMERY
It’sfour a.m. by the time Cameron is showered and headed to the training room. I consider following him to watch but don’t want to risk seeing Lieutenant Erik again. At least, not until I’m a full-fledged member of the Fury Squad.
I must fall back asleep because the next thing I know a calloused hand clasps around my throat. My eyes fly open. The lights are dimly on, meaning it’s almost six a.m., so I can clearly see who my attacker is.
