I stared down at the point where we connected, barely listening to the words he continued to speak. His skin against my own felt wrong, like it didn’t belong. When he’d touched me, it’d taken every ounce of willpower I had not to pull back.
“Josephine? Are you listening to me?” he asked, shaking me from my stupor.
“I—I’m so sorry. I was a million miles away,” I offered, trying to force a smile that wouldn’t come.
Ellis pouted. “You’ve been working yourself too hard. You need some help.”
He was right, as much as I didn’t want to admit it. Taking all this on while pushing away everyone who offered wasn’t doing me any favors. What if I made a mistake, one that could’ve solved everything, because I was too stubborn to say yes? Help didn’tmean I was doing anything wrong. It meant I was doing what was best for my father, our family, and the legacy he’d built.
So, why wasn’t it easy to take Ellis up on his offer? Why couldn’t I say yes and show him what I’d gathered already? Better yet, why did the thought of being secluded with him feel like I was being untrue to my heart?
The answer left a bitter taste lingering on my tongue because I wouldn’t dare voice that out loud. Not right now.
He bent his head. “I can see the wheels turning in your head. What’re you thinking about?”
And there was that guilt I thought I’d escaped, coming back and gripping my throat in a vise. “I know you’re right. It’s just hard to ask,” I said, shaking my head.
“I’m not asking,” Ellis said, reaching forward and grabbing the nearest stack of records. “I’m telling.”
Ellis pushed back his seat,pinching the bridge of his nose as my stomach growled for the fifth time in the past thirty minutes. “Alright, I think we should call it. We’ve gotten a lot done.”
I looked around at Dad’s office, noticing the piles of papers we’d combed through in the past three hours. We’d devised a system: I would scan the documents while he would sort them into the correct files. He had shared access to the program and could keep up the search from home. Overall, we’d found most of the things we’d needed.
“Good idea,” I said, stretching my arms. I’d been sitting still far too long.
Ellis stood, pocketing his phone. He twirled his keys around his finger. I hated them, the constant jingle equivalent to nails on a chalkboard. “How about I kidnap you for a night?” he asked.
“What?”
“Yeah, it’ll be fun. We can grab a bite, and then you can come over...” Ellis trailed off, smirking as he rounded the desk. “We can forget about the numbers. Maybe share a couple of glasses of wine? And then we can have dessert...” My heart was pounding as he leaned in and kissed my cheek. He moved closer, aiming again for my mouth, but I turned my head.
Ellis had always respected my wishes to take things slow. He’d never pushed before, never demanded more than I wanted to give, but the way he was talking made me wonder if that understanding had an expiry date.
“I can’t tonight. Cleo is making dinner, and I promised Dad I’d be walking through the door no later than five.” I tried to smile, but it fell flat. I wondered if he could tell.
Ellis shifted, once again taking my hand in his. “How about next weekend? The first clinic will be done, right? We can celebrate.”
“I’ll celebrate once this is done,” I said, nodding toward the computer.
He ran his tongue across his teeth, dropping my hand. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
He was halfway out the door before I closed my eyes and called out, “That sounds great, though.”
Those damn keys twirled once more as he smiled. “I’ll make reservations. Maybe we can go into the city instead. Have a weekend away.”
I should want that, right? A weekend away was normal. Especially if it’d been months since we started seeing each other. “Maybe after summer? Mom won’t be back until the end of the month.”
“Alright,” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “I’ll concede. But we will take that trip when all these trailers pack up, and the cowboys go home.”
The very thought made me sick to my stomach.
I loved summers at Black Springs and watching my dad work the clinic. The fact that it could be his last one only made the thought of missing a single day that much more bitter. Try as I might to convince myself that was the only reason I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, it didn’t work.
Instead, it was the thought of watching a certain bunkhouse empty out and my cowboy ride away.
I walked toward Ellis’ car, watching him climb inside and drive away. His tires kicked up a cloud of dust, swallowing him whole. I stayed like that, waiting until he was nothing more than a black dot disappearing through the gates.
And then I stayed like that a little longer, wrapping my arms around myself as though it could hold me together. For the first time since Ellis had shown up, I felt like I could breathe again. His absence wasn’t an ache I missed, but a reprieve I welcomed.
