“My parents always told me that I couldn’t be anything else. This was all I’d be good for, and anyway, every other option was a waste of the one talent I’d been born with. Miss Vivi didn’t agree. When she found out that I didn’t want to audition, that even thinking about the audition was making me sick to my stomach every single day, she loved me enough to try and help me skip it. She helped me run away.”
This is news to both Jaehwan and Kazu, who swap concerned glances over Ari’s head. “She helped you? How?”
“I was supposed to fly to Sydney with her because both of my parents were busy, as usual. We’d just stay at the hotel, not show up to the audition at all. We could say that I didn’t make it in. But Miss Vivi didn’t realize that Dad knew someone who worked at the audition venue. That’s how he heard that we never went. When Mum found out, she was furious. Beyond furious.”
“You didn’t miss your audition, though,” Kazu points out. “There’s a recording of it.”
“That was six months later,” says Ari. “I came back to Sydney when Emerald did their next round.”
“You didn’t even want to be there.” Jaehwan’s eyes are downcast. “This isn’t even what you wanted to do with your life. At least the rest of us had a choice.”
“No, I thought I wanted it by then. It was the only way to escape. And I was stupid, so I believed it when Mum said Miss Vivi could come back if I got in, as long as Emerald took me as a trainee.” Now his laughter is barbed, rueful. “I don’t want to find Miss Vivi. How could I ever face her? She’d take one look at me and be so sad.”
“I doubt that, Ari.”
“She’s been waiting all this time just to see you again. I’d bet money on it. And you know I don’t just say things like that.”
“Hyung, they made sure she couldn’t find another job after. Refused to write a reference, reported her to the police. Child endangerment. Kidnapping. Mum even tried to accuse her of stealing jewelry. That’s how angry she was. My shot at becoming a star, ruined. It was unforgivable.”
“Fucking Leila,” mutters Jaehwan.
Ari is about to say something more, but then a small army’s worth of footsteps comes thundering up the hall. Jaehwan and Kazu swing their heads toward the door, listening to the slap of flip-flops and slides on carpet. Rambunctious chatter gradually seeps into Ari’s room. That’s the rest of Apollo and there’s no mistaking it.
“My god. Those idiots came up straight from the pool.”
“How’d they even find out? You didn’t call anybody but me, right?” Kazu pauses. “Oh damn, Hwannie. That producer probably ran through the lobby crying his face off. What did you say to him before I got here?” He crosses his arms. “Is there a body under this bed?”
“That would be sloppy. Not my style. Nick extorted it out of Nami, most likely. He’s got a sixth sense and it’s only for gossip.” Jaehwan gets to his feet. “If Jess tries to bring that giant unicorn float in here, I’m stabbing it.”
“Hyung, you have a knife…?”
“We’ll send them away if you want,” Kazu offers. But Ari turns him down.
“It’s okay. They can come in.”
“All of them? You want everyone to come in here right now?”
Too late. The others tumble in, swarming over to Ari in a clamoring mass. Is he okay? Does he need anything? Where are the people who bullied him? How do they contact Netflix about it? If they combine their bank accounts, can they sue? Actually, could Kazu just pay for it since he’s the nephew of a known millionaire?
Jesse dashes off in a blur of pumping legs, sandals hitting the floor with a wet thwack. He says something about ice cream. Nicky bawls at him to stop at Kazu’s room for the credit card, earning himself a smack in the shoulder. Max rants at Ari for being a doormat while clinging to his arm like a sailor in the middle of a shipwreck, and Kei hints darkly at revenge. But this is only after he’s finished shouting, “Why's Zuzu always naked?” at the top of his lungs.
Jungwoo is in shock upon learning how the producers found out about Vivian; how could Ari’s mother possibly sink lower than before? (“I’m his mom,” snaps Jaehwan.) Namgyu announces that the solution is to build a pillow fort. He saw it on some American TV show and is certain that this will make Ari feel better. It’s only a matter of minutes before he’s managed to drip chlorinated water all over the place.
In this crucible of total chaos, Nick jostles the camera by accident and catches it just in time. He alerts the others to the fact that it’s still recording and shuts it off.
31
Thedayhadworndown to a sliver of fading blue-gray sky by the time Eunjae made it back to the dorms. He'd been ferried there on his own after a separate meeting with Mr. Yoon in which the expectations for his future conduct were duly delivered. Eunjae had endured it, numb to just about everything at that point.
Inside the double that he shared with Jungwoo, all the common areas were immaculate. Mopped floors, scrubbed counters, not a single dish languishing in the sink. Jungwoo tended to clean when stressed or unhappy. His door was shut and his lanyard and keys missing from their usual hook on the wall. Eunjae stumbled into his own room, relieved.
His bedroom was still in the same state of disaster in which he'd left it last week. Clothes strewn all over the furniture, a scattering of shoes and random electronics littering the floor. Eunjae unceremoniously swept everything off his bed and crawled in. He plummeted into merciful, dreamless sleep not even five minutes later.
For a moment right after waking, as his eyes adjusted to the dark, Eunjae felt okay. But then he remembered again and misery surged back in, a riptide dragging him under.
He thought back to that first night: the orange door and the flight he'd missed, the question Jiyeon had asked him afterward.What do you want to do?A question that was so simple and yet imparted so much power. A question Eunjae had not been asked by his parents at any point along the way. Only Vivian had ever asked him how he felt about it.
But whenever Eunjae had the opportunity to make choices for himself, it seemed as though he could never get it right. Or, the choice would feel right for him and wrong for everyone else. Selfish, weak, thoughtless, off in his own little world — criticisms from his parents, a familiar refrain throughout Eunjae’s childhood. Many of the same words cropped up during the fight with Jungwoo and again in the lecture he’d just gotten from Mr. Yoon. That had to mean something, didn't it?
