His unspoken words crackled on the line like a live wire:I could never leave without you, but you left without me.
From Ari’s most recent livestream on the Star-Connect app, dated May 26, 2023
Ari sits on the floor inside an Emerald Entertainment practice room. The company’s logo is partially visible behind him, outlined in green light. He holds the phone with one hand, using the other to wave at the fans who have tuned in to watch. Messages scroll rapidly across the screen. These range from incoherent, all-caps screaming to declarations of eternal love. Ari’s eyes track the lines. He’s trying to read as many messages as he can.
>> Oppa, have you eaten?
>> omg look at him ??
>> I'll be at the next fanmeeting! So excited!
>> AAAAAAAHHHHHH
There is a slight delay to Ari’s responses, of course, what with the flood of sentences and the speed at which they blink in and out of sight. “I’ve eaten, yes,” he answers dutifully. “What about you? Oh, you’re coming to see us. Wave to me, okay?”
>> ???? ari, u look so tired tho
>> Can you sing something? Anything
>> Oppa, it's my birthday!
He smiles. “Your birthday? And you’re spending it with me?”
This prompts a flurry of heart emojis, birthday cake stickers, GIFs of balloons and presents tied with giant bows. Someone squeals that they want to spend every birthday with Ari because he’s the sweetest. Dozens of fans are quick to agree. The chat fills with links to YouTube videos like citations at the end of a research paper:
Just Apollo’s Ari Being an Angel for 10 Minutes Straight
Ari Helping Rookies Figure Out Their Lives - Best Moments
Ari Comforts Crying Fan @ Apollo Fanmeet (SUBBED)
One fan contributes the URL for a video entitledAri (Apollo) - Top 5 Wardrobe Malfunctions. Ari sees this and laughs.
>> Why are you so nice, oppa? Sometimes I think you're too nice. You'll get hurt.
“Why am I so nice?” Ari frowns at the screen. His frowning face elicits just as many lovelorn sighs as his smiling face. “Honestly, I’m not nice all the time. I just try to understand people as best as I can. Everybody’s got a story.”
>> Lol I wish he'd understand that he needs to marry me
>> u know he wasn't nice back when Jungwoo ate his snacks on the bus!!
>> omg his face when that happened ??????
>> RIP jungwoo
>> Still the nicest! Thank u Ari’s mom for raising him RIGHT
Once Ari catches up to this message, his frown becomes more pronounced. “I didn’t learn that from my mum, actually. It was someone else, someone really important to me. She was always saying that kindness comes back to you. Maybe not right away, and maybe not in the way you might expect, but it will. So you should just keep putting it out there.”
This is quite the monologue from the typically taciturn Ari. His fans melt. He doesn’t notice, though. Ari allows the comments to scroll, lost in a memory. When he returns to the here and now, multiple people have asked for specifics. Who gave him that advice? Doesn’t he get along with his mother very well? It’s true that she’s never been seen at any of Apollo’s concerts or events. And if it’s a she, is it an aunt, a cousin, a grandmother? (Not a girlfriend, surely. Ari wouldn’t do that to them.)
They’re always hungry for more of him, every piece that they can inspect and devour and claim. Whatever he feels, whatever he’s doing, someone in the world is interested. And in a way, it means never being lonely, never suffering neglect. But in other ways, it means being lonely all the time. It means he can do nothing without first considering how it will be dissected, interpreted, consumed.
>> Oppa I just wanted to tell you that I passed my exam from last week, thank you for cheering me on!!!!!
Ari scrolls back to that one. He remembers the girl from his last livestream, fretting about a test she should really be studying for. Her username stands out to him because she’s often here, watching his streams on the app. “Hey, that’s great,” he replies to her. “You can rest now. I’m glad.”
>> You rest too, oppa!!!
