Darkness takes away my shyness with this crowd of friendly strangers. There’s a smell of cinnamon and spice.
“Stay for drinks,” says the older lady in a red velvet hat as I give my donation. “Mulled wine!” She winks.
“Thank you.” I wink back. Perhaps I will.
Another volunteer hands me a battery-operated candle. I suppose it’s safer than the ones that dripped hot wax.
The pews are hard but I barely notice as the church fills. Organ music fills the darkness, an odd note or two making it all the more special. An extended family sits alongside, the youngest daughter swinging her booted feet beside me, like something off the cover of a Christmas card. We exchange smiles.
The pastor welcomes us and invites us to switch on our candles. The lights dim and the choir emerges from behind us, and I startle to see Dirk file past and take his place up there among the baritones, serious, shoulder to shoulder in his black robes, eyes on the conductor. He stares at me and smiles, and I beam and sparkle my diamonds at him. He turns his attention back to the conductor as the music begins.
I love this man. He’s more handsome than ever with his hair cut short. I make out his voice occasionally, the same one I overheard at the art gallery on my first night in the neighborhood.
The children beside me keep switching their candles on and off as we sing along when invited, but mostly I let myself disappear in the mellow darkness and let this Christmas blend with the best memories of all the others. With my voice, I send my thanks out and up, beyond the stained glass windows, out into the universe.
Later, as drinks are handed around, I see Dee and Matt and Lexie and Theo at the edge of the crowd. When Dirk appears he grabs my hand and leads me across to them. When Lexie sees us, she runs to Dirk, and he lifts her in his arms.
“You remember Lucy, Dee?”
Dee hesitates; sees the way Dirk and Lexie smile at me.
It’s Matt who steps forward and shakes my hand. Dee follows suit, and then surprises me.
“Would you like to join us for Christmas lunch, Lucy?” Dee says.
“I’d love that,” I say. “Thank you.”
Theo claps his hands.
“More presents!” he says, and Matt shakes his finger at him..
“Would you like me to cook something?” I say. “And I’m really good at cleaning up.”
“In our family, everyone brings something for the table, and we share the clean-up,” Matt says.
“Thank you, Dee. Thank you, Matt. You must tell me what to bring. Maybe some of Davey’s sauerkraut?”
“Davey’s sauerkraut?” Dee asks.
“Long story,” says Dirk. “Tell you later.”
Dirk walks me home, his arm around me, as if he owns me. I love it.
