I hate xmas but I know you love it so season’s greetings and all that bollocks. Bah humbug xx
?? From Nick
I know I promised not to get in touch but I had to wish you a Happy Christmas. I hope all of your Christmas wishes come true. Thinking of you xx
It was lovely being home for a family Christmas although it felt strange not having Auntie Kay with us for the first time ever. The arrival of Nick’s text set the butterflies going again but so did Andy’s. Was it possible to have strong feelings for two men at the same time?
‘How’s it going with your new man?’ Mum asked over a post-dinner glass of Baileys while the men washed up. ‘Nick, is it?’
‘Yes. Nick,’ I said, ignoring the first question and hoping she was too full of Christmas spirit to notice.
‘I Skyped Kay on Sunday and she wouldn’t tell me about her travels until I’d told her what I knew about you two. She was so excited. She speaks very highly of him.’
‘I know.’ I kicked my shoes off and curled my legs up under me on the huge leather armchair.
‘He sounds like a lovely young man.’
‘He is. He’s the best.’ I sipped my drink then slurped an ice cube into my mouth.
‘Then why’s it over already?’
I spat the ice back into my glass. ‘How…?’
‘You couldn’t wipe the grin off your face on Saturday when he sent the cakes and you were glowing all day. But something happened on Saturday night or Sunday because you’ve been distracted for the last two days and, when I mentioned his name just now, instead of lighting up, you just looked sad. Do you want to talk about it?’
I sighed. ‘It’s a long, complicated story.’
‘Would it have anything to do with Andy being here?’
‘Andy? How…? Have you developed a sixth sense or something?’
Mum put her drink down on the coffee table. ‘I saw him in town on Sunday. Major déjà vu moment. He hasn’t changed much.’
I closed my eyes and held my cool glass against my aching forehead. ‘Oh Mum, it’s such a mess. I don’t know what to do.’
‘You could start by telling your mum all about it before the men finish their chores.’
I reached for her glass. ‘You might need a top up on that.’
‘And he’s at Seashell Cottage now?’ Mum said when I’d finished, leaving out the part about Steven.
I nodded.
‘You can go if you want. I understand.’
‘No, Mum. I’m staying. Part of the deal was that I wouldn’tchange my plans. I was always going to head home early evening to feed the cats and that’s what I’ll still do.’
‘How do you feel about them both right now?’
I drained the last of my Baileys. ‘Very confused. A few years ago, if you’d asked me what I’d do if Andy Kerr walked back into my life and asked to try again, it would have been a no-brainer.’
‘And now?’
‘I don’t know what’s stopping me. Am I scared of getting hurt again? Am I worried it won’t be as good second time round? Do I think he’s just on a charm offensive to get me back and he’s really still the guy he became after uni? Or is the truth simply that I like Nick more?’
Mum gave me a sympathetic look. ‘Do you know what you need?’
‘Another drink?’ I rattled the ice cubes in my empty glass.
