“Tell me you love me. Twelve years, Sloane. And I can count on one hand how many times you’ve said it. I’ve told you a hundred times over. So say it. Say it to me now.”
And I didn’t say it
The words were right there, pressing against my chest, aching to be let out.
But I stayed quiet.
Why didn’t I say it?
Why couldn’t I give him the one thing he was aching to hear, the thing I knew I carried so deeply it scared me?
Then Cameron stopped trying.
And I withdrew deeper.
Until we couldn’t find each other anymore.
It was lunchtime. I chose to eat in the park across the street despite the sharp winter chill that bit even at midday. The park was beautiful, winter flowers splashed with color, and a fishpond mirrored the pale sky.
I sat alone, the sandwich still unopened, resting idle on my lap.
My eyes were fixed on nothing, lost in the music playing through my AirPods.
Maybe it was foolish to play Love Song by Lana Del Rey on repeat when I should’ve chosen something brighter—something that wouldn’t let the sadness linger. I didn’t know why I kept listening, perhaps the haunting melody, the weight of the title, or simply the melancholy settling over me. Or maybe it was the lyrics that truly caught me:
Is it safe, is it safe to just be who we are?
Yeah... it was the lyrics.
Now I’m here with you, and I would like to think that you would stick around.
I sighed and covered my face with my hands, desperation washing over me.
The taste, the touch, the way we love, it all comes down to make the sound of our love song.
It was a beautiful song, though.
So I let the song play on repeat, eyes closed, letting the melody wash over me.
I exhaled slowly. It was quiet. Peaceful.
I could stay like this for a long time.
Then came a rustle behind me, a quiet shift in the air that told me someone was near. I didn’t turn. Just thought it was strange—someone else choosing this cold, empty park too.
I ignored it and kept my eyes closed.
And then I felt him.
I didn’t need to turn, didn’t even need to open my eyes to know who it was. He sat beside me.
I paused the music and finally looked at him.
“I need my peace, Cameron.”
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “I’ve heard that many times.”
And yet, he was still here, even after choosing to leave.
