Hen:[photo of Solo and Curie curled up together on the couch]
Hen:*insert dick pic here*
I grinned at the placeholder line, which very clearly did not actually contain a dick pic.
Me:No fair teasing. I want the real thing.
Hen sent me another photo of the cats, this time a selfie where Solo was draped across his shoulders and Curie had her paws extended in a making-biscuits posture on his knee.
Me:D’awww. I miss them.
Hen:They miss you too. Are we still on for Friday?
Me:Hell yeah. I’m excited to get introduced to Home Depot by a native.
Hen:Wouldn’t I have had to grow up in a Home Depot to be a native of it? I grew up in Perth Amboy, which, yes, a little industrial, but hardly a big box store.
Me:Pfft, you spend enough time at hardware stores to qualify for citizenship. You and your wood habit.
Hen:To be fair, a lot of my wood comes special-order. It’s not like I stalk the plywood aisles picking up pieces that look sexy.
Me:Who said anything about sexy? Wait, do you find wood sexy? I feel like this is the sort of thing I should have known before we took our pants off together.
Hen:Lol. I think we were so toasted that night that you might not have noticed if I wasmadeof wood.
Me:Mmm, your wood.
Hen:You’re awful. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Me:But it’s nice and dark and warm down here!
I put the phone down long enough to fill a pot with water for the macaroni and cheese and set it on the burner, then picked the device back up again to find Hen’s latest reply. Absentmindedly, I flipped the burner to high.
Hen:You know where else it’s dark and warm? My bed. It misses you. I think the cats do too. Solo looks extra-grumpy today.
Me:Aw, I miss you, your bed, and the cats too. And Solo just has resting bitch face, don’t judge him.Those of us with the affliction are constantly being told to smile.
Hen:I don’t think you have RBF, I think you might just…be bitchy.
Immediately, another text came in.
Hen:Wait, was that too mean? I was teasing, I swear. You’re not bitchy.
Me:Yeah I am. I own it. But I try not to be bitchy to you. You’re too sweet to bitch at.
Hen:[gif of Wolverine from X-Men baring his teeth]
Hen:Grar, manly man not sweet. Manly man smash.
I rolled my eyes at my phone, unable to stop myself from imagining Hen saying those words out loud and trying to look tough. It…kinda reminded me of Solo’s grumpy face, which I guess was the point.
Me:Patpat. You’re adorably manly, dear.
Hen:Sigh. I don’t think I can be “adorable” and “manly” at the same time.
Me:I beg to differ. You are both and I will die on that hill.
Hen:No dying, please. I prefer you alive. You’re much more fun that way.
