Hen:Wesoare. And then if there’s time, we’re going to the shelter to get your paperwork started.
Me:But I…I don’t…what if…?
Hen:Hmm, wait, does your apartment allow cats? Make sure you check that.
Me:Yeah, no, that’s fine, pets are allowed up to thirty-five pounds, and if I find a cat that weighs more than that I’ve got a whole different set of problems. But what if the shelter doesn’t have any cats? Or what if they’re not open? Or what if they…I don’t know, don’t like me?
Hen:The people, or the cats?
Me:Both! Either!
Hen:Their job is to send cats to new homes. They won’t turn you away unless you’re secretly Hitler, and frankly if you are I want to find that out now, too, so we’re doing this. And the cats…there’s always new cats coming in and old cats going out. If you don’t get along with any this time, you can try again next week, or in a month, or whenever. But I doubt that’ll be a problem. Cats are, by and large, sweet babies.
Me:Gulp. This is a lot of pressure.
Hen:Hey, I’m not trying to railroad you if you really don’t want to do this. But I get the sense you just need a little push, and, well, here I am for that. Preaching the kitty gospel.
Me:Does the kitty gospel use ‘meow’ in place of ‘amen’?
Hen:Of course. And there are the Ten Demands At Three A.M. instead of the Ten Commandments. Life with cats.
I looked around my empty apartment. Would there be a cat here with me by the time I started work on Monday? Well, maybe not. I didn’t know how long shelters took to run their checks. But…soon, maybe? Wow.
Me:Ok. You’ve talked me into it. We’re going cat shopping.
Hen:Yesssssssss!! [dancing cat gif]
Hen:There’s an indie pet store called Wags ‘n’ Purrs downtown. Want to meet there after breakfast tomorrow? Maybe ten o’clock?
Part of me wanted to invite him to meet me for breakfast, but maybe that would be awkward. Maybe it would be better to meet up with an objective to work on together. So I said nothing about breakfast.
Me:Ten works for me. Do I need to bring anything for the shelter? A copy of my lease or anything?
Hen:Might not hurt. And make sure you have your ID. And if you have character references, bring their contact info.
Me:Character references? Is this a job interview??
Hen:Worse. It’s pet-focused busybodies who want only the best for their darlings.
Me:Damnnnn. Ok I guess I’ll think about who would give me a good review if called up by an animal shelter. Uh…would you maybe be one of them? I know we don’t know each other that well, but you’ve seen me interact with Curie and we’ve talked a lot about pets…
Hen:I’d be happy to, Jamison. I know you’d be a good cat dad.
Me:Ok, we’re doing this. I’m excited and nervous, but we’re doing this. Oh god, I need to think of names!
Hen:Hold off on names until you meet the cat, is my point of view. You want something that fitsthem, not just a generic cat name like, I dunno, Mittens.
Me:Ugh, no. I’ve got better taste than that. I think.
Hen:Watch you fall in love with a cat with mittens and decide that’s The Perfect Name. I reserve the right to mock the hell out of you.
Me:I don’t think I like you anymore.
Hen:Love you too, schmoopie.
13
Henry
