Oops, I’d gone silent again.
Me:Looking for a good meme to send him. It doesn’t have to be an apology meme, right?
Charlie:Better it’s not. Be casual.
Me:Right. Ok, looking.
I flipped back to Facebook. Meme about kindness. No, he might take that wrong given the note we left things on. Politicalmeme? Hell to the no, the last thing we needed was for me to find out his politics were wrong. Cat meme? Cat meme. I mentally narrowed my search and started scrolling faster. Hm, did Hen speak any Spanish? Why did I have so many Spanish cat memes in my feed, anyway?
Finally, I settled on a photo of a hairless Sphynx cat with a caption of “Huh, those trimmers work better than I expected.” Random? Yes. Funny? Also yes. It didn’t convey any particular message, which I was choosing to view as a good thing, because that meant it could pass as an incidental, “I wasn’t not talking to you, I just happened to not have anything to say until I saw this funny thing” share.
What? There was logic in there somewhere. I flipped back to my Charlie texts.
Me:Ok I picked a meme. Should I say anything when I send it, or just send the photo?
I was thirty-two years old and I needed my sister to tell me how to speak to my crush. #winning.
Charlie: Just say “Hi” or something. Something low-key that indicates you are casually reaching out and you haven’t spent the past week losing your shit.
Casual. Right, I could do that. I opened my text thread with Hen and attached the cat meme. What to say, what do say…
Me:[cat meme] Beware next time you go to trim your beard lol
It was inane and kinda absurd, but it was the best I could do. I hitsendand bit my lip as I waited for a reply. Unless he was in the middle of using a saw, Hen usually replied pretty quicklyto texts, so as the minutes ticked by, I started getting nervous. I went back to my Charlie thread.
Me:He’s not answering. Does he hate me?
Charlie:It’s been like a minute, stop losing your shit and give the guy a chance.
Me:It’s been at least three minutes and he usually replies immediately.
Charlie:Oh my god you’re ridiculous. You’re going to end up marrying this guy.
Me:What? Why? What makes you say that, we hardly know each other!
Charlie:When was the last time you stressed so hard about someone not answering you immediately? I’m calling it now, you’re in lurrrrve.
Me:Bite me, Charlie Manson.
Charlie:Kinky. Don’t tell your boyfriend you threatened to bite your sister.
Me:Ew. Gross. Topic change, please.
Before Charlie could reply, my phone buzzed with a new message in the Henry thread. My heart beating rapidly, I flipped back to that thread and read what he’d sent.
Hen:And here I was just preparing to do a trim. I’ll be careful.
Hen:So…how have you been?
Good news: he was giving me an opening. Bad news: now I needed to take it in the right way. I bit my lip and thought hard. Should I ask Charlie what to say? But she’d make fun of me even more then, and honestly, I was an adult man, I should be able to hold a conversation on my own, even if it was awkward. Ishould.
Me:I’m good. Sorry for not texting this week. I was…
I stopped before hittingsend.I waswhat? Shit. Honesty? Gentle misdirection? Flat-out polite lie?
Me:I was nervous after the way I left on Saturday.
Honesty. Fuck it all, I was going for honesty. I sent the message.
