Charlie:Did he look upset afterward? Like he resented you? Like he regretted what happened?
I thought about that. I’d run out of his house so quickly that there hadn’t really been any time to register how it looked like he felt. Yet another way I’d wronged him. Whether he’d been upset post-sex or not, it can’t have been pleasant to have your partner hotfoot it out the door the second he could get his pants on. I bit my lip. What could I have learned if I hadn’t freaked out?What could I havehad? Cuddles, maybe? A slow come-down of endorphins, at the least.
I was a moron.
Charlie:Jamie? Hellooo, Jamison. Did you forget you were talking to me?
Oops. I’d left her hanging too long, and she wassogoing to read into that.
Me:No, I don’t think he looked upset or resentful. But I bugged out really quickly so maybe he just didn’t have time to have those reactions.
Charlie:Or…maybe he was perfectly happy and you ditched him too fast to notice? Oh my god you’re an idiot sometimes. How fast, exactly, did you leave?
Me:Um. Basically as soon as we wiped ourselves off?
Charlie:Jamison!
Me:What?
Charlie:You owe this guy an apology.Notfor taking advantage of him or whatever you’re worried about, either. But for running out on him post-nut. That’s a massive dick move. He probably thinks you just wanted to use him to get off.
Shit, would he think that? I didn’t know him well enough to guess where his mind would have gone, but it didn’t take much knowledge to guess that it would have gone somewhere unpleasant or other. Wow, I really was an idiot. I’d taken a perfectly pleasant sexual encounter which ran a decent chance of being positive on both sides and turned it into guilt on one side and probably feeling used on the other.
Me:How do I apologize to him? We haven’t even spoken since that day, and normally we text practically every day.
Charlie:How well do you know this guy? How serious was the date? Like, is this a ‘deliver flowers to his job’ type of thing, or would that be overkill?
Me:Um, he works from home. But I don’t think he’d like having attention drawn to him, anyway.
Charlie:Ashy boy? Who is this, anyway? Anyone I’ve met or heard about? I didn’t even know you were dating anyone other than your weird obsession with no-condom man.
Me:…
Charlie:Jamison Alistair Duschene, what the everloving fuck. You cannot trust a guy who doesn’t use a condom, and you hadsexwith himagain? Did you at least use fucking protection this time?
Me:[slow blink gif] I told you that he didn’t do that on purpose, Char. Stop being a bitch. And I’m not going to give you details about my sex life other than to say that yes, we were safe.
Charlie:Well thank god forthat. But why are you still seeing this guy, anyway? Text him your test results and be done with the whole sordid episode.
Sordid? Suddenly my temper was rising. How dare she call us “sordid”? We made a mistake, but the sex was hot and sweet, and the second time around even more so. There wasnothingsordid about what Hen and I had done together. We cared about each other’s happiness and health and…just about each other. My fingers were back on my phone before I could stop myself.
Me:Fuck you, Charlie.
Charlie:Me? What? What the hell, Jamie?
Me:Don’t call us “sordid”. Don’t act like I’m somehow dirty or like Henry is unworthy just because we fucked up once. Sex is a beautiful thing and I don’t need you treating me like something you scraped off the bottom of your shoe just because I had some.
Silence, my phone unmoving in my hand for long seconds. Then it gave a buzz that, I swear, was almost tentative.
Charlie:I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like I was belittling you. Or him. I just don’t think…
Me:I know what you “don’t think.” And you can stop not thinking it. Hen is a really nice guy who co-made a drunken mistake with meonce. And we’re doing absolutely everything a responsible adult does after making that mistake, as carefully and maturely as possible. So drop it.
Charlie:You really like this guy?
Me:I really like this guy.
I’d typed and sent the message before I really had too much time to consider what I was saying, but as soon as I hitsend, I paused with my thumb hovering above the keyboard.DidI really like this guy? Certainly Henry was a pleasant guy to talk to. He was gentle-natured. Talented. Sexy. Managed to flirt with me in a way where I was never sure if he knew he was doing it or whether he was just that sweet. He let me practice tying his hair in knots, and he was always there as a sympathetic ear when my stress got too high.
