There was no reply, so I switched to Charlie’s text thread.
Me:Negative. Now stop worrying, and for the love of god stop lecturing me.
Charlie:Just because you got lucky this time doesn’t mean you don’t need to be careful next time, Jamie.
Me:Oh my god you’re exhausting. I know to be careful. Ialreadyknew to be careful, this was just a single mistake in my whole adult lifetime. Chill.
Charlie:Oh, if only I could.
Me:Take a damn benzo and sleep it off.
Charlie:Rude.
Me:Pushy. Don’t you have your own life to stress about?
Charlie:Honey, the biggest thing I have going on inmylife is whether to do my laundry today or tomorrow. Which, yes, I can totally find a way to stress about that, but on the scale of things I worry about, it doesn’t rate compared to you. Hey speaking of which, when was the last time you did laundry? I know you hated doing it as a kid…
Me:You’re insane. That was like twenty years ago. I am on aschedulenow. Laundry every Friday night, so I have clean clothes for the weekend. I’m good, stop feeling around for things to worry about.
A new notification popped up atop my text window, informing me that I had a new message from Hen. I flipped to his conversation.
Hen:I don’t know why you always get your results before I get mine. I suspect a conspiracy, frankly. Maybe they want me to pay extra for a rush job. But anyway…
Hen:FUCK YEAH NEGATIVE FOR YOU!!
Me:Hell yeah. When did you do your test?
Hen:Last Friday. Technically I was supposed to wait until Saturday, I think, but the timing just worked better for Friday. And mayyyybe I got a little anxious. Just a smidge.
Me:Can’t exactly blame you there. Fwiw the lab tech told me that if there’s a high viral load the results would come back faster, so it taking extra-long for you is probably good news? I think?
Hen:That actually makes me feel a little better.
Buzz. Charlie. I flipped back to her.
Charlie: Ok, fine, but if I can’t worry about your laundry then we’re back to worrying about your sex life.
Me:No. Nope. Nein. Nyet.
Charlie:At least youhavea sex life, unlike some of us.
Me:TMI, Char. I don’t wanna know about whether or how much you want sex.
Charlie:Just sayin’, I’m a healthy adult girl.
Me:Nooooope.
I couldn’t with her. I switched back to my conversation with Hen.
Me:My sister is driving me nuts. Send help.
Hen:Is she on your back about safe sex again?
Me:Somewhat. But now she’s taunting me with hints about her sex life, too, which is justwrong.
Hen:Poor baby. But shouldn’t you be aware that she has a sex life already? She’s older than you, no?
Me:There’s being aware and then there’s beingaware. Besides, she was just trying to tell me how horny she is because she’s not having sex. I don’t wanna know that shit!
