Not only did I hold on, I reflexively held my breath too as I let my hand holding my phone drop down to my side. Suddenly the fear came rushing back. What if he came back positive? What was I going to do? What was the next step when you had a good chance of being infected with HIV? Did I just…sit and wait until it was time to test again? That couldn’t be right, there had to be something I had to do. Get on meds? At the very least, see my doctor, right?
When my phone buzzed again, my breath rushed out in a heaving gasp. I hadn’t realized I was still holding it. I yanked my phone back up and fumbled through unlocking the screen, which had turned itself off during the wait.
Hen:Syphilis: negative. HIV: Non-reactive. FUCK YEAH!
I gasped in another breath. Oh my god, it felt like Christmas morning and an orgasm rolled together. I was safe!
And I knew, intellectually, that this was just a probably-safe, not a final-safe. We still had to test again in a few weeks and then a few months. But for now, I was as safe as I could be and holy god was that a relief.
Me:Oh my god I feel like I practically just came in my pants. Reliefgasm? Is that a thing that exists?
Hen:It is now, because damn I know how you feel.
We sat in silence for a good minute. I didn’t know what Hen was doing, but I was just…breathing. I’d known I was stressed and worried, but the level of tension that my body had released at seeing the word ‘non-reactive’ was incredible. I felt like a wet noodle all of a sudden. The afternoon wine-drunk sensation probably wasn’t helping with that, either.
Me:Fuck.
Hen:Fucking right.
Me:Fuuuuck.
Hen:All the fuck. You ok?
Me:I think so. I kinda feel like if I hadn’t already been sitting, I’d be on my ass right now.
Hen:I am literally sitting in a pile of my dirty clothes. So yeah. Right with ya.
Me:Ewww don’t sit on your dirty underwear! Now your pants are dirty too!
Hen:They miiiight be ratty sweatpants that end at my calves, so um no great loss.
I cackled right out loud.
Me:You’re such aguy.
Hen:I was under the impression you liked guys?
Me:Lol but I prefer them in clean pants if I get the choice.
Hen:I’ll keep that in mind when we meet for braiding lessons. Note to self: clean pants.
Me:Definitely clean pants.
I swallowed the last of my wine and forced the cork back into the bottle. I’d sat down with every intention of finishing the bottle, but I probably didn’t need to add any more alcohol to the cocktail of endorphins rushing through my bloodstream currently.
Hen:Hey I’m gonna go get my ass out of this laundry and get it into the washer, then maybe see if I can do some work without cutting off appendages. I’ll ttyl, ok?
Me:Ttyl.
I slumped back into the couch, closed my eyes, and heaved out a deep breath. Negative. Damn.
Between one breath and the next, I was asleep sitting up.
5
Henry
3 weeks later - Week 4
