Almost reflexively, he sat where I’d indicated, but he continued to stare at me in consternation. “Jamie…” he said softly.
“What?’ I snapped.
“Are you…sure?”
“That I love you?”
He nodded mutely.
“I mean, I haven’t sat down and made a pros-and-cons list or anything, but yeah, it’s something I’ve been thinking for a while now. I hadn’t intended to blurt it out on you, but…” I blew out a breath. “It slipped.”
“It…slipped,” he repeated blankly.
I made an awkward, dismissive gesture. “What? I have a big mouth! Anyway, my point is that yes, I do love you, and you don’t have to reciprocate, but I think it could help you to know that I - and Jamal, and your parents, I’m sure -dolove you, in spite of you, because of you, whatever. You’re lovable. Deal with it.” I crossed my arms and sat mutinously back against the couch.
He shook his head and studied his hands on his lap for a long moment. “Okay.”
I hadn’t expected capitulation. “Okay?” I repeated.
He nodded. “Yeah, okay. I have a hard time believing it, but I can’t very well tell you what’s going on in your own head. Gay would kill me, therapy-style.” He managed a small smile. “So, okay.”
“Okay.” I nodded firmly despite feeling a little at sea. I wasn’t going to give him room to doubt now.
“And…” His eyes bounced up to meet mine for half a second, and then focused back on his hands. “I think I love you too. But I don’t know what to do with that.”
“What do you mean,dowith it?” I asked in confusion. What did youdowith being in love?
He winced. “I mean, I’m pretty fucked up right now.”
“I -”
He held up a hand to stop my protest. “Iam. I’m not saying I always will be - though yeah, some things are going to stay fucked - but right now I’m a pretty hot mess. So I hesitate to, like, say it out loud and make you feel like you’re tied to me. But I guess I just did, so…fuck.” He ran his hand through his hair again. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologizefor lovingme!” I practically shouted. “It’s agoodthing if we both love each other.” I mustered a smile. “Keeps things from getting truly awkward, like it would be if only one person was in love.”
He studied me for a second. “Okay.”
Were we doing the one-wordokaything again? I very carefully didn’t sigh at that. “So…”
“So…?” he echoed.
I shrugged. “I feel like this has been the least romantic love declaration ever. Nobody’s going to write a romance novel about us.”
He chuckled. “Maybe not, but I wouldn’t want all the attention that would garner, anyway.”
“Still, it feels anticlimatic. Should we, like, kiss or something? Maybe go buy each other flowers?”
“Let’s maybe save the flower money for a rainy day,” he suggested wryly. “But I’d be ok with a kiss.”
Not giving him any time to change his mind, I immediately leaned forward and planted my lips against his, first lightly and then more firmly. When he didn’t pull away after a few seconds, I flicked my tongue against his lower lip to urge him to open up. He did, and I felt like crowing in victory. I didn’t, of course, because that would have meant separating my mouth from his, and nope. Instead, I took his hand and laced our fingers together, resting our joined hands against his chest as we made out.
Eventually, I was the one to pull away. “Getting a crick in my neck,” I explained, and promptly straddled him. I pecked another kiss on his lips, then paused to meet his eyes. “This ok?”
He swallowed thickly, whether from nerves or excitement, I didn’t know. “Uh, yeah.” He lifted his free hand and traced one finger over my eyebrow. “You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”
“What, because I’m a hot kisser?” I grinned lasciviously. “I know.”
Smiling, he shook his head and booped my nose. “No, because you just…roll with everything and stay happy. Even when you’re supporting two of us instead of just yourself.”
