Aye, he’d said that—in the hopes of scaring her off from continuing their meetings. Not in an attempt to actually get her into his bed. He had, apparently foolishly, assumed that a woman who couldn’t hold his hand without practice would be averse to the idea of anything so intimate. Lord, had that backfired.
He knew what he had to do.
But there was no reason he couldn’t enjoy doing it.
Pulling her into his arms, he cupped her rain-covered cheek with his hand. He savored the feel of her soft, feminine body pressed against him.
“I do want to bed you,” he agreed. “I meant what I said. And if I took you, we would spend hour after hour reversing whatever misconceptions you have about your ability to experience pleasure.” He ran his thumb over her parted lips, his heart hammering louder than the torrential rains. “You would fall apart in my arms over and over until I’d ruined you for any other man. Oh, yes, princess, I do want to bed you,” he repeated, letting his hand drop to his side, “which is exactly why I cannot.”
Using all his remaining willpower, Diarmid escorted Cara back to the holding, wondering whether he’d be able to endure another such request.
And praying he need never find out.
Chapter Twenty
“Ifeel thatwe’ve been making real progress,” Sitric declared, taking Cara’s hand in his as they returned from the harbor. After Cara had asked Gormla and Astrid a thousand questions regarding the ships, the water, the materials that came and went, and anything else she could imagine relating to Dyflin’s legendary trade industry, the women had told Sitric that he needed to take her down to the docks for a proper tour of them.
It had been three days since Diarmid came to her room. Two days since she’d learned that the reason he avoided her was not that he had no interest in her—it was just the opposite. And now, every time they crossed paths and he turned away, every time he didn’t smile at her, she remembered how it felt to be pressed against him and his arms. She remembered those forbidden, seductive words he’d uttered, and she wished for the first time in her life that she’d not been born a princess.
That she could marry whomever she chose.
“Enough progress for a betrothal?” she ventured, though her heart wasn’t in the query.
“We have ten days left,” Sitric replied. Though his voice was pleasing, it didn’t heat her blood like Diarmid’s did, she noted.
Cara didn’t like that even after she let Sitric nearer, he still felt the need to wait the full fortnight to reach a decision.
They turned down a bend in the plank-covered road, the brightly colored sails and swooping gulls disappearing as they climbed toward Sitric’s holding.
“Is there aught I can do to persuade you further?” She thought this outing had gone better. He’d held her hand—though she was grateful he hadn’t attempted to kiss it again. She’d managed a conversation without causing him obvious irritation. He’d even smiled at her once or twice.
“There is,” he told her hesitantly.
She looked at him, raising a brow. He’d better not ask her to bed him. It hadn’t worked the last time, when Torna had insisted that’s what happened when you were betrothed, and she wasn’t about to fall for that nonsense again.
“If you can bring yourself to kiss me, that would convince me that this marriage stands a chance at being more than a sentence to misery for us both.”
Well, it was better than bedding him. “If you don’t mind my asking, why would that convince you?”
His mouth lifted into a half-smile. “You can tell a lot about a person, and how you feel about them, from a kiss.”
A knot formed in Cara’s middle, rising to her chest along with a growing sense of panic. If the kiss went terribly, that would be it. All her efforts would be for naught, all hope of the betrothal lost.
Their final turn approached, the one that led up the hill to the two great halls inside the circling palisade. Cara knew she’d not be able to finish this herself.
“I’m going to have a walk around the settlement, if you don’t mind.”
Sitric halted. “Do you wish company or solace?”
His kindness made her wish he was the one she wanted. “Solace, if that’s alright. Thank you for taking me to the harbor today,” she added, hoping he heard the real gratitude in her voice. “I truly enjoyed it.”
“We can return any time you wish,” he told her, faring her well before leaving her to continue on.
Cara knew she couldn’t muster up the courage to kiss Sitric without help.
And she knew help was just outside of town, washing in the river after a run through the bog.
*
