“I’m afraid that’s up to the king, not you,” she reminded him tartly, praying he left before she fell to pieces entirely. “Now go tell Cormac all about our horrid cousin and leave me be.”
Dallan backed away, frowning. “Don’t think for a moment we’re through discussing this marriage business. As I no longer trust Finn, I’m reluctant to give him permission to marry my sister.”
“Just go.” Eva shooed him out the door in a final, desperate grasp at solitude.
The moment the door shut, she collapsed in tears onto her bed. It didn’t matter if Dallan gave his approval or not.
Now that Baeth had returned, she wouldn’t be marrying Finn anyway.
Chapter Thirty-One
After dinner thatevening, Finn paced in front of the alcove where he and Eva met for their nightly lessons in the great hall. He could hardly blame her if she didn’t want to meet, but he desperately hoped she would at least be willing to speak with him.
He had missed her conversation with Dallan, who had punched him squarely on the jaw before ordering Finn not to follow him out of the hall after Finn’s sensational admission. He’d rather hoped to feel less guilty after a good hit, but it did nothing to ease his conscience. And, as far as he could tell, it did little to lessen Dallan’s anger with him either.
At dinner, Dallan hadn’t spoken a word to him. Diarmid and Conan attempted, but failed, to pry any information from Dallan about his foul mood. Finn wasn’t about to tell them anything that Dallan didn’t want to share. Instead, Finn had spent all of his meal contemplating how to make things right with both Dallan and Eva.
He knew Eva would be upset, but he hoped the damage was reparable. Knowing her, she’d probably be furious with Dallan and disappointed that Finn had told him before they agreed. They both knew Dallan would be upset either way. Eva had simply hoped to lessen the shock.
Even after finishing the last bite of his meal, Finn still had no idea how to make things right with Dallan. He knew he’d need time, and he supposed he’d need to confront him again, but what would he say?
Finn breathed a sigh of relief when Eva walked over to him in the alcove after dinner. “I was worried you wouldn’t come,” he admitted quietly.
“I certainly considered it.” She sat down in one of the two wooden chairs, smoothing her pale blue skirt over her knees. She hadn’t brought her harp.
“I’m sorry.” Finn decided there was no point in dancing around the issue. “I know we agreed to wait to tell Dallan, but I just couldn’t keep lying to him. I’m sorry that I didn’t give you any warning.”
Eva glanced toward the tables, frowning, her lips pursed.
Finn followed her gaze to find Dallan glaring at them. When Finn looked at him, he stood abruptly and left the hall.
“Do you think he’ll forgive me?” he asked Eva, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.
“I honestly don’t know,” she replied. “He’s always had a bit of a temper and tended toward the dramatic, but I’ve never seen him so upset. I think you were right to tell him, Finn. I don’t blame you for doing so.”
Finn nodded, swallowing. He’d already made so many mistakes, disappointed so many people. He feared he’d do so again. But it was too late. He was in too deep. So he spoke the words he’d held in his heart since the moment he told Dallan their secret.
“I love you,” Finn whispered, kneeling before her so that his face was level with hers. He cradled one of her delicate hands between both his own. “I will do whatever I must to be with you, and to make amends with your brother. If you wish it, I will stay here with you. I will leave the trials. I will beg Dallan for permission. I will be yours alone.”
“Finn,” Eva breathed.
Finn didn’t like the look on her face, so he kept going, hoping. “Will you still marry me?”
A single tear trickled down her cheek, a glittering path in its wake. “No.”
He took a step backward, rising as he moved away from her. “But, why? It was only last night that you told me—”
“I know what I told you last night,” Eva interrupted, her voice breaking. “And I retract it. We cannot be together. I won’t be needing any further lessons.”
Finn felt as though he’d been hit by a galloping horse, knocked flat on his back, struggling to draw breath. He stood as still as a stone, unable to accept her harsh dismissal. “Will you not even tell me why?” he repeated. “Is it because of your cousin? You know I am capable of defending both of us.”
Eva stood. “It doesn’t matter the issue. It cannot be remedied.” She walked past him, turning before she was to the nearest table. “Goodbye, Finn. I am grateful for the time we shared, truly. And I wish you only the best.”
*
On the mornof the trial of recovery, Finn contemplated giving up entirely. Dawn broke early, purple wisps of cloud woven through a pink and orange horizon. For the first time since he arrived at Cenn Cora, Dallan didn’t come to his tent before walking up to the training field.
For the first time since he arrived at Cenn Cora, he didn’t know what to do next. He considered leaving, admitting it had been a fool’s quest from the start and returning home broken and alone. But then he remembered Ethlinn. He remembered that his family would have no recourse for justice if he didn’t make something of himself. He hoped Eva would still help Eth, but Finn needed his own plan as well. He’d not been able to join the ranks of the bardic masters, but this he could do. He could become one of the Fianna. He was already so close, to give up now would be to throw away all that he had endured.
