“My plan is to stop selfishly endangering others just so that I feel loved.”
“Everyone needs to feel loved,” Finn reasoned. “’Tis not selfish. ’Tis necessary. The people we love and who love us, they are what make life worthwhile.And,” he added emphatically, “not one of those deaths would be on your conscience. No one has died because they loved you.”
“The two men I was to marry did. My father did.”
Finn couldn’t hide his shock. “You were betrothed?” he said, louder than he’d intended. “Twice?”
“Years ago, when I first came of marriageable age.” She set down her embroidery again. “My father arranged a match for me with a lord’s son, Duncan. He kindly exchanged several letters with me, and I fancied myself in love.”
A pang of jealousy shot through Finn as he listened to her speak of this other man.
“My father insisted on finding a man near my age, at least, after what happened with my aunt. While we were still planning the wedding, war broke out. My second cousin, Baeth, made a grab for the throne, dividing our family. Duncan fought with my family to prove his loyalty to our kin, to me. He was killed, and I was devastated.”
“Eva,” Finn kept his voice low, steady, “you must know he was duty-bound to stand with your kin. I’m certain he cared for you, but he would have fought whether he did or not.”
“And what of the man that Baeth assassinated shortly after our betrothal? Who’s to say he wouldn’t come after the next man I tried to marry?”
Finn ran a hand through his hair. Anyone would be melancholic with a family like that. The worst part is that whoever married into Eva’s family would never take the throne. That poor bastard had been killed out of sheer spite. “Should you ever wish to marry, I will kill your cousin myself should you desire it. Then you shan’t have to worry.”
She smiled sadly. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Finn.”
Here was his chance. He feigned affront at her statement. “You think I couldn’t defeat him?”
Finally, she laughed. A single, small chuckle slipped out and warmed Finn’s heart.
“Can I ask you something personal?” She sounded hesitant for the first time since they’d started talking. “What happened to your sister?”
“Our local lord desired her,” he could barely speak the words. “She resisted.”
Eva gasped, a look of horror on her face. “No,” she breathed. “How awful! Finn, I’m so sorry. Did the lord pay your family the fine?”
Finn swallowed his anger, taking several deep breaths. Just thinking about what happened to Ethlinn made him question his decision tonotattack the bastard right back. But Ethlinn and his mother had begged Finn and his father to wait for justice. Only justice never came. And his family didn’t have the funds to pursue further retribution.
He shook his head once.
They sat in silence a long while, Eva quietly embroidering and Finn contemplating his next course of action. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Eva, how much he enjoyed sharing these moments with her, even the serious ones.
“Do you still wish to play the harp?” he asked at last.
The smallest gleam shone in her emerald eyes. “Do you still wish to teach me?”
“I thought, perhaps, we could meet here after dinner each night and play for an hour or two. Surely the household will appreciate the entertainment. They’ve been after me for weeks to play more often.”
“Yes, but ’tis my poor playing they’ll endure,” she giggled. “Not your incomparable talent.”
“Your skill grows each time you play,” he assured her. “They’ll love it.”
And so would Finn.
Chapter Eighteen
She had gonefully mad. Eva paced her chamber for what seemed like the hundredth time since she met Finn. Pacing had become her new pastime, it would seem. Wringing her hands, she questioned yet again the decision she’d already made. Perhaps she was setting herself up for another disaster.
Her lessons with Finn went better each evening. The first night after they’d resumed her instruction had been uncomfortable at best. She was so used to being alone with him on the beach that an audience made it difficult for her to play. Finn assured her it was even better to learn this way. After all, one performed music in front of an audience. Better to get over her nerves now instead of facing them the first time she played in public.
After two more lessons, it felt as though they’d never been apart. Eva could barely contain her excitement each morn enough to make it through to the end of her day for her time with Finn. It terrified her just how much happier she felt when he was a part of her life. She couldn’t imagine how awful it would be without him.
Which is precisely what prompted her plan.
