“So, learning that he had a son was not a shock that contributed to David’s heart attack?”
“It was Sitosterolemia that killed David.” A torrent of tears hit Claire. “That poor little boy has lost both his parents. Sophie died last Christmas Eve.”
“Oh, no. That poor child.”
Claire bolted up. “But why didn’t David tell me he had a son?” Tears dripped from her chin, and she swiped at them. “This is going to sound crazy from a woman who postponed having kids most of her life, but I feel left out.” She dropped back onto the bed and sobbed.
“David wanted kids more than anything. How could he have only seen Luca twice a year? He must have adored Luca. And how could he have kept this wonderful secret he held so dearly from me?” She punched the bed. “David kept half his life from me. And I feel selfish and guilty because it’s all my own fault.”
“David was always protective of you, Claire. He probably didn’t tell you because he didn’t want to hurt you.”
“But keeping a secret from me hurts! And Luca missing his father must have hurt him, too.” She hated how her voice was whining. “Isn’t that a betrayal? Because let me tell you, I feel betrayed!” The tone of her voice dropped so low it sounded like she was growling.
“How do you think you might have felt if he had told you?”
“Guilty.” The word exploded, surprising Claire. “I’d have felt guilty for not giving him the children he so very much wanted.” She rolled over. “I might have worried he would leave me for Luca’s mother.”
Mariah Carey’sAll I want for Christmas is Youplaying in the courtyard made her want to rip out the speakers. She got up and pulled the drapes closed.
“Don’t you think David would have wanted to protect you from feeling guilty or insecure?”
The pout on her lips made her feel like a child. “Yes.”
“Hmmm…” Marti made soft cooing sounds.
A writhing in Claire’s gut built pressure that reached her eyes. Collapsing onto the soft down-filled comforter, she let the tears flow as she stared at the same ceiling that they’d lain under on their honeymoon night. The irony. “I feel like my marriage was based on lies.”
“Oh, Claire, your marriage was based in the profound love you had for one another. No marriage is perfect. It seems you both lied to protect the other.”
That truth squeezed her heart. David’s lie and betrayal were all her fault because she’d lied to him. She’d told him she wasn’t ready to have kids when the truth was she feared becoming a mother.
“Claire?”
“Huh?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m so confused and tired. I wish I had some of that brandy Jeel-Bear had ordered at the patisserie.”
Marti laughed. “It’s going to take you a long time to process all of this. I wish I were there to help you. Are you going to meet Luca?”
“I don’t know. When I learned that David knew and spent time with Luca, I freaked out and ran from the restaurant.”
“Take some time and then call Jeel-Bear. He seems like he would like to help you.”
“Ugh.” Claire pushed herself up.
“Wouldn’t you like to meet David’s son?”
“Luca must be missing David terribly. But I think I might have a meltdown.” She smoothed the quilt. “I never knew my father, so I never missed him. Except when fathers arrived at the convent to pick up their daughters, the girls running into their arms, squealing with delight, their fathers beaming with pride. I’d never had that experience, and, as it was so foreign to me, I found it more interesting than a sense of longing.”
“Take it one step at a time. Just allow yourself to feel all that you feel, and then you can sort it out.”
“Thank you, Marti. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I’m always here for you. I love you. And I can’t wait to celebrate Christmas together.”
Claire groaned. “I haven’t even booked a ticket home. I’ll have to fly standby again. One crisis at a time. I don’t know if or when Gilbert will let me meet Luca. And if he will, I don’t know if I really want to meet him, although I’m pretty sure I do…of course I want to meet him, I just hope I have the courage.” She wiped her face. “At least I gave Gilbert David’s medical records so Luca can be tested.”
