The air whooshes out of my lungs as soon as I see the littles playing in front of me. Or, more specifically, my world shifts when my gaze focuses on one particular person. A little in the very center of my group of friends, smiling like he’s been there the whole time. Lex.
My Lex.
The very same person I’ve practiced many speeches and written countless emails for. I blink. Did I just summon him from the depths of my memories?
The Daddy inside of me is screaming to go to his side and pull him into my arms. But that small, insecure side of me that I’ve worked so hard at vanquishing since graduation has me pausing.
Only this time, I’m not frozen in fear. Curious, I take a step forward, testing things. Not frozen. Not frozen at all.
My mind isn’t blank, my thoughts are clear, and my heart is racing for a completely different reason than it did in high school. I smile, truly taking in the sight in front of me. Lex is playing with Wylan, Ash, and Riley in the center of the room. The three of them are playing with blocks and giggling as they each build a tower of their own. It’s no surprise to me that Lex’s tower is the tallest. While the other boys have towers that look wobbly and ready to crumble at the slightest movement, Lex’s structure looks solid and well thought out. I always found it such a wild turn-on just how smart Lex is. Even in his little headspace, it seems like he can’t tamp down his pretty little mind.
Damn. He’s even more beautiful than I remember.
He’s wearing the cutest little onesie with sailboats on it. Freaking sailboats, of all things! Fuck, if this isn’t a sign from the universe, I don’t know what is. His hair is as thick and soft-looking as I remember. But now it’s long on the top and styled in a trendy way I’m not quite used to seeing on him. God. How has it been four years already?
There’s a cute dragon stuffie in his lap, and he’s beaming over at Riley, clearly deep in his little headspace as they giggle and bounce while sitting. To my shock, Ash reaches over and slashes a hand through Lex’s tower, causing it to smash to the ground in a jumbled heap.
My Daddy instincts rush forward, and I’m about to storm over there and gather Lex into my arms when he giggles again. Still smiling that adorable, wide smile, he takes his own hand and swipes at Ash’s tower. Wylan and Riley burst into laughter. Suddenly, the four boys are destroying the two remaining towers and making a mess of their blocks. The whole scene warms my heart as I settle back against the wall.
Don’t get me wrong, I still want to walk over to Lex and kneel in front of him. That urge to finally give him one of my many practiced speeches is strong, but now isn’t the time. If I’ve learned anything about being a Daddy, it’s that many littles get deep into that headspace. The last thing I want to do is startle him or embarrass him. I have no idea how he’d react to my presence.
No. When I approach Lex, I want him to be big on his own terms.
A throat clears next to me. I glance to my right to see Daddy John with a small smile on his face, before my gaze strays back to Lex.
“You know,” John says, voice filled with humor. “I was standing right there when I saw Riley playing for the first time.”
With a grin, I move closer to John but keep my eyes on Lex. “You don’t say?”
“Yup. It was right after that charity auction Dark Satin threw for the holidays.” John nudges me playfully. “So, you have a thing for little Felix?”
Startled, I glance over at John. “Felix?” I say, making sure I’m not loud enough to be overheard.
“Yeah, the new little with the sailboat onesie.”
A slow smile spreads across my lips. It’s been a while since I heard his first name said out loud. “Felix suits him better than Lex,” I murmur softly.
John arches a brow. “Have you two already met? I was under the impression that he’s new to town and hasn’t met anyone from the club until tonight.”
“Felix and I…have history. We went to school together. He used to tutor me in physics.” I explain, not wanting to tell him the entire truth.
“Aren’t you a little too old to be tutored by him? Felix looks barely eighteen. And you’re what? Twenty-four?”
“I’m twenty-two. Felix is twenty. He’s only two years younger than me.” I chuckle. “God, that two-year age gap in high school felt like a mountain between us.”
John and I stand there for a moment, just watching the littles play. I’ve always been so jealous that they could go that deep into a certain mindset when they regress to a particular age. Of course, Lex…Felix would be able to. The longer I watch him play, the more often he begins to yawn, until he crawls over to one of the mats off in the corner. Reaching for a pillow, he tucks it under his head before hugging his light blue dragon stuffie and immediately falling asleep.
I’m so lost in the adorable vision that John startles me, causing me to jump when he clears his throat yet again. Chuckling, he hands me a folded piece of paper, and I arch a brow. Unfolding it, I read the flyer in front of me.
Little’s Summer Day Camp. Open enrollment starts now. Check Dark Satin’s website for the various activities, dates, and times.
“Like I said, Felix is new to town. He’s going to be in our circles quite a bit.” John taps the flyer. “This might be a fun way for a certain Daddy to connect with his dream little. And who knows, maybe that little might need a tour guide to show him around our quaint ocean town.”
My mind whirls with possibilities. Could Felix find it in his heart to listen to me long enough to let me get my apology out? I don’t know if he could trust me enough to play tour guide, let alone enough to be his friend…or something more. But fuck me, I already know I’m going to try my hardest. A hopeful flutter causes my stomach to swoop. “I’ll think about it. Thanks, John. I needed this.” I fold the paper and place it in my pocket.
“Riley and I don’t take him home for another thirty minutes. Why don’t you go over there and take care of your boy? I can see how badly you want to.”
Fuck. I want to. So. Damn. Bad. He looks so tired. His thumb wanders up to his lips before he sticks it in his mouth and starts sucking. Felix hugs his dragon tighter against his body, and I can’t quite tell, but I’m pretty sure that’s a shiver I just saw. Against my better judgment, my Daddy instincts win out. The next thing I know, I’m covering Felix with a clean blanket that Dark Satin keeps on the shelves for occasions just like this.
