He offers me a small smile. “Of course.” Felix pauses. “How long have you wanted to apologize to me?”
I blow out a deep breath, those stupid fucking nerves traveling through me again. “Since the first time I heard Donny open his mouth, or saw Madison give you one of her practiced sneers.”
He nods. “Did you ever agree with anything they said or did?”
“Fuck no,” I reply a little too sharply. “I think that the first time I heard them say something was the moment I started hating them. I never understood why they bullied you. It didn’t make sense.”
“Me either. I don’t think we ever will.” He glances at me with a sparkle in his eye. “Although I have a few suspicions about why Madison bullied me.”
My lips part in shock. Not because he has an idea of why Madison bullied him, but because he’s playfully chatting with me about it. “What suspicions?”
“Maybe I’ll tell you someday.”
That has me curious.Someday. “Are you saying that we have a someday? D—does this mean you forgive me?”
Felix reaches for my hand. “I won’t lie, being bullied in high school sucked. I mostly stuck to myself and a few select friends. But being a couple of years younger than the rest of my classmates for so long made me feel out of place. Even amongst my little group of friends, I always felt like an outsider. But from that moment we met in junior year, you treated me differently. Like an equal.”
“You deserved to be treated kindly. You made such a big impression on me, and I couldn’t understand why others didn’t see it, too. I’m sorry Donny and Madison were so shitty. I’m sorry I—”
“Stop right there, Clay.”
I shiver as my name leaves his lips.
“What I’m trying to say is that it was Donny and Madison. Not you. Never you. You hear me? You seem to be holding a lot of guilt regarding me being bullied by them. But do you want to know what I think?”
“What?” I whisper.
“I think you were just as scared as I was. I saw the horrified look you gave Donny and Madison that first time you were there when they bullied me. I also saw the fear. We were just kids, Clay. Was it shitty you didn’t defend me? Maybe. But what would they have done to you? They would have made the rest of your high school time a living hell.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I interrupt. “I should have stuck up for you. I was a coward.”
Felix squeezes my hand and smiles. “But you aren’t a coward now. I mentioned the photos earlier. To answer your question, yes, I noticed your photos on social media, and I’ve seen the way you have been living your life since graduation. I liked pulling up your profile every once in a while and checking up on you.”
His confession leaves me speechless. How many times did I hope to find Felix on social media, only to find out he’s been looking at my profile the whole time?
“You see, you made a big impression on me in high school, too.” His thumb traces a lazy pattern on the back of my hand. Both our palms seem to be sweaty with nerves. “I had a huge crush on you back then. You might not have verbally defended me the wayyou wanted, but you weren’t very good at hiding your emotions either. The fury radiating off you anytime they stepped out of line? They saw it too. Anytime you were around, I felt safe. They would stop. Didn’t you notice? In your own way, you were always there, protecting me.”
I shake my head, my mind whirling a million miles a minute. Did Felix DeLuca just admit he had a crush on me? Did he say that in a way I actually did come to his rescue? “Did I really make you feel safe?”
He nods, lacing our fingers together. “Always. Even now. If you need to hear the words, then yes, Clay. I forgive you. I forgave you back in high school, and I’m so sorry you’ve been holding onto this for so long. I forgive you.”
I smile, feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I close my eyes and listen to the ocean. I listen to the happy children playing around us and the seagulls cawing overhead. “Thank you, Felix.”
When I open my eyes, I bring our laced hands up to my lips and kiss the back of his hand. “Thank you,” I repeat. “Now, would it still be okay if we got some food together?” If I’m being honest, I don’t want our time together to end. I want to treat Felix to lunch and maybe get to know this beautiful, forgiving man that my high school crush has grown into.
Smiling, he jumps to his feet. “Yes, lead the way. I’m starving.”
Chuckling at his enthusiasm, I guide him toward the pier, all the while keeping our fingers intertwined. I never want to let go, afraid this isn’t reality, but rather some beautiful dream.
Chapter 7
Moonlight and cotton candy
Felix
“How do you feel about a sit-down restaurant?” Clay asks as we walk on the pier.
I peer around at all the games, rides, and attractions. It’s hard to fight my little side when surrounded by so many fun things.
