:)
I snorted to myself.
Looked like I was getting Ryan’s smiles, even before I went to sleep now. I stared at the little emoji. A spark of undeniable happiness burst to life in my chest. Biting my lip, I set my phone to the side. I closed my book of shadows and shut my eyes to a memory of the real thing, sitting next to me as he called me brave.
What was I thinking?
I asked myself the question so many times, each one getting me more attached. But right now, in the dark silence that settled over me, I didn’t care.
14
“What the …” Vadika’s forehead wrinkled as she shook her head. “Just like that?”
“It isn’t like we ever thought the Barnett community had much tact,” I said.
The letter my roommate had promised I’d get, which Lauren had written, was cordial but certainly didn’t mince words, like Natalie had suggested their apparent secretary did. The entire subject line of the email might as well have said,You’ve been REJECTED, complete with bold letters and an exclamation point, as if this were a pleasant thing to open in your inbox and see.
Like I’d told Vadika, I hadn’t expected much, but a pleasant hello to start would’ve been nice.
“Let me read it again,” Vadika said, turning my laptop toward her.
I’d reread the email at least a dozen times already for some reason. I was a glutton for punishment. I’d thought I was over the fight to have my campus Samhain event, and yet also, I wasn’t. A new wave of frustration came over me when I read it again.
Fellow Barnett student,
After consideration, your request for on-campus funding for your upcoming event has been denied. Please see the attached list of well-developed and approved campus events funded by the student council below.
Best,
BUSC
I’d been deniedfunding for my event on campus. No reason. No rebuttal. Seriously, if that was the best sort of email the council could come up with, I was sure to bet that Natalie had a better manner. She should run against her so-called courteous friend.
“Huh,” Vadika commented.
“Huh,” I repeated. Pulling my laptop back around, I read it once more.
Then one more time.
“You seem upset.”
“I’m not,” I said. My voice said as much. Strong and sturdy.
“You sure?”
“I’m just …”
I had just been denied funding. There it was. I’d tried.
Celeste and Gertie and the rest of the coven couldn’t say that I hadn’t put my mind to something and actually made a decision even if it didn’t work out. And yet, for some reason, I thought of Ryan and how he had lit up at my plans. I thought of the nights I’d spent planning them from inspiration from my own Samhain celebrations, both alone and here, after I met my coven of eclectic folk-driven witches in their own right.
I’d been denied funding.
Funding.
I’d been denied the lifeblood of a fancy Samhain party on campus, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still have it. For years before I came to Barnett, I’d been celebrating the witch new year on my own, with no budget at all—longer than that. Sure, I’d had high hopes for a slightly exaggerated and over-the-top extravaganza of sorts. I didn’t want the Barnett University population to view the entire thing as a joke, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t still dosomething.
In high school, I would take a nature walk through a crowded park. I laid out on the cold grass for a moon bath one year.
