Huh. For some reason, I’d never thought that I would care. But I did. I cared how and what Ryan saw in me.
Because over the past week, I had been seeing a lot more in him. I saw a soft, strong guy who was a decent listener when he wasn’t laughing or going out of his way to make others feel good. Make me feel good.
Who would’ve thought?
It almost made me want to laugh.
“I think you’re pretty extraordinary, you know. Honest. I wish I were more like that.”
“Like what?”
“Brave.”
I didn’t think I had ever heard that word describing me before. Or maybe only once.
I had been standing in the graveyard my mother was buried in. I vaguely remember her saying that she wanted to be cremated. Burned and sent back up to the stars.
A woman I barely knew from one of my mother’s survivor groups wandered up to me and patted me on the back.
“You’re being so brave,” she’d said.
Brave. From that moment on, I’d only ever thought that brave felt like I was crumbling from the inside out. An avalanche of fear of endings and new beginnings I needed to force myself toward, leading me to Barnett.
But when Ryan said it, it made me feel steady. Beautiful in all my uncertainty of life.
“You mean that?”
“Always, Lu-Lu.”
“Ry-Ry,” I teased right back.
It didn’t have quite the same effect as Ryan’s grin grew, encroaching. “You’re only proving to me that you don’t mind me so much after all, Lu.”
I’d given up on that vendetta the moment we left Gertie’s house together. Maybe she and the goddess she listened to were right. I needed to think with my dick—or emotions or whatever for once.
I inhaled as I continued to take in a new sort of freedom that shone in Ryan’s expression. His gaze flickered over my shaggy bangs to the bow of my lips.
I let my eyes skitter over each constellation of freckles and down to his bottom lip, plumper than the top.
Our lips hovered over one another’s. Our faces and eyes held on to each other so close yet—
“Maybe it’s a good thing that we don’t,” Ryan breathed. “Not yet anyway.”
My heart withered. “Oh.”
“No, I mean—I’m screwing this up. I’m really liking getting to know the true Luella …”
“Renee.”
“Luella Renee Pierce.” His eyebrows crinkled. “Who named you?”
I barked a laugh. “They are family names. Or a combination of them. Luella was a terrible combination of my parents’ grandmothers. Lucinda and Elma. Either way, I was destined to sound like an old hag on all attendance sheets growing up.”
“I think your name is pretty. Unique.”Like you.He left the horribly cheesy words unsaid. But with Ryan, somehow, they always were hanging somewhere in the air.
My cheeks heated.
The door across the room swung open with a startled breath. Natalie also made a little “Oh,” before clearing her throat, as if she were debating on whether or not to back out.
