“Why do you say that?”
“Why do you keep hoping for a better nextwhatever is going to happenin life?”
He had a point.
“Plus, I like to make others happy. It’s why I like kids. They are an easy crowd. Worst critics though,” he joked with a shake of his head. “Just brutal.”
“What could they possibly have to tease the running back of Barnett University about?”
“Mainly that I’m old.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. I must look not only huge, but also ancient,” said Ryan. “One kid asked why I was playing football when I was in college. Why didn’t I have a real job or get married, like his parents who were in their late twenties? Humbling.”
“Maybe you have found the job you were fated for.”
“I’d like to think so. I can’t wait to have my student teaching semester, but we’ll see when I’m actually set loose in thereal world, as my dad says.” His tone took a sour note.
I paused, unsure if I should ask. “You don’t have a good relationship with your father?”
“No. We do. My family has always been pretty close compared to others I’ve met. We had dinner every night and all that. I think we talked about this, right? My dad and I have just always been sort of at odds. My mom says we’re a lot alike and that’s why.” Ryan shook his head. “Not sure I like that reason though either.”
I didn’t press. There had been nothing but fondness in Ryan’s voice, sure, but there had also been an edge.
“You know,” Ryan went on, “you can go back to whatever it is you were working on now while I read through this one more time. I have a few other things I should probably not push to the last minute.”
“Seriously?” I looked between him and the mountain of books slipping out from his book bag. The thing probably weighed half of me. Half of him.
“I do know how to finish work on my own sometimes, Lu,” said Ryan. “I did manage to get this far. I told you, I didn’t come just for your smarts today. Library companionship.”
That was true, and yet I still stared at him, unsure of what else to do. “Library companionship.”
“Is it so hard to think that I want to spend time with you, Lu?”
I watched as he turned his attention back to his planner, marking off something else before turning to his next task.
Slowly, once I was sure that he wasn’t going to pull something or simply sit there and watch, I reached back for my book of shadows, old and new. I lifted the ribbon of the page I had been working on. I was careful to keep the one piece of paper on the other side of the page. I didn’t want it to smudge as I took care to finish my detailed paragraph about using the charm. Then, I slowly went over each line of my illustration, careful to capture each penciled stroke and previously blended watercolor.
It was easy to get back into the groove as I went on. It was almost calming to remember the first time I’d actually made the charm, burning myself with melting candle wax for the seal. Red clumps hardened over my knuckles before the drips stuck to the wood table of the house. Gertie had tried not to laugh at me as I cursed behind clenched lips so as not to mess up any outwardly said intention.
My lips curved at the memory. The two of us in the house.
The house that Gertie had asked me to take over out of everyone else. The thought came back to me unbidden and clenched inside my chest.
I still didn’t understand why. Why me? Was it because I was clearly flailing around, trying to figure out what other sort of purpose I had in life, and Gertie was taking pity on me, whether Celeste and her daughter cared or not? I loved Gertie, and I knew that she saw me as family, but to think she would see me as her daughter, enough to take over the space and the coven along with the drama and incense-scented carpets and wax-covered altar tops, it was more than I could comprehend.
“That’s amazing.”
I didn’t realize I’d paused until I glanced up to find Ryan leaning farther over the table. He stared at the lines I was just finishing working on. I resisted the urge to yank the pages away, hiding them toward my center.
“I told you not to look.”
“How couldn’t I? It’s eye catching.”
Sure it was. Glancing down, however, I was truly proud of the page. It looked exactly how I’d wanted it to, better than expected, even with all the extra captions and labels needed for ingredients.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
