I paused, unsure of how to answer. “I’m still going through the pros and cons.”
He closed his eyes that looked much less concerned than he’d proclaimed. “A wise choice. I suggest you take the time to think strongly.”
“Thank you for that … advice.”
“Thank you for your time. Have a good rest of your week.”
Blinking, I glanced toward the clock, still ticking by, not ten minutes from the last time I’d looked out in the hall. “Okay. Thanks.”
The dean stood up, gesturing with one hand back to the door where he’d welcomed me. He was the picture of oddly handsome academia that belonged more in the Hamptons than small-town Barnett.
Still, it made no sense.
Was I just mind-fucked by the dean of campus life?
Either way, I was directed out in the hall. The prized football player stared between the two of us from where he slouched in his chair. Eyebrows raised, he pursed his lips, as if unsure of what had just happened between the dean and me.
That made two of us.
I’d thought that my entire project would be up to the actual people who ran the school, not the people who sat next to me in art, economics, and biology with obnoxious enamel forest-green pins on their backpacks to show their BU pride. People like my roommate. My awful, loud—more often than not—rude,made her side of our tiny double look like something out of a first-year university advertisementroommate.
The dean spoke up past me as I tried to understand how such a status quo world of pretty girls and boys running the world past high school was still in fashion. “Mr. Gardner, come into my office and get situated if you’d like. We are still waiting on one other person to join us.”
Wide shoulders shifted as Ryan blinked from his seat, his gaze for some reason still eyeing me. Ryan scooted himself up from a nearly horizontal position. He reached for his crutches and easily slipped them under his arms. “All right.”
As we passed, he flashed me an attempt at a comforting smile before he disappeared into the office. The door shut fully this time, unlike for my meeting, and the sound of the old brass tumblers clicking into place was enough to startle me. I swung my backpack over my shoulders and headed straight out the door and into the east campus.
Hopping down the steps, I started to walk around the curved sidewalks. Trees loomed over me, casting a shadow on my steps.
The foliage, of all things, was one of the reasons I’d chosen to go to school at Barnett. The pictures alone sold me. I liked the trees. The river nearby was usually gray, but some days, the water carried itself majestically. Blue and clear enough to dip your feet in, if you were picnicking at the right spot. The nature curved around you, looping over your shoulders like a cool, comforting blanket.
Now, I couldn’t pull myself far enough out of my mind to even think of how the leaves rustled in the wind, picking up.
What in the name of all the gods had just happened?
I had taken one step inside the office, and suddenly, I’d turned into mush. I turned into that shy and abrasive little girl I’d left behind in Columbus, unable to say what I thought and stand up for myself. I should’ve demanded and fought for my right to be a part of the campus, just like anyone else.
Stars, the dean had barely glanced at me or my plans before swiping them away. Dismissed. Done. To him, I was no one but another random student who was too indecisive to pick a stupid major to be defined as for the rest of her life.
I took a few deep breaths. Nothing eased the tight strain between my eyebrows. I’d had one chance that felt right, and now, it was gone. Even if the student council, or whatever they called it, was going to give me the time of day, I knew I wasn’t going to get much further than that, especially not if the person I had to see at least once a day had any say.
Natalie, my housing lottery-won roommate, practically reveled in the fact that people looked at me like a weirdo or just ignored me altogether. Her reminders of that, however, didn’t bother me. Not much anyway.
My backpack was yanked back away from my shoulder, nearly taking me with it.
I caught myself, my feet luckily finding themselves back underneath me before my perpetrator went down with me.
“So? I’ve been looking for you ever since your meeting started. I didn’t want to call you and interrupt.” Vadika chuckled as she leaned around my shoulder to get a better view of my face.
A swath of dark hair swung free of her loose bun as she spun around in front of me. At some point from the offices, I’d managed to wander across campus. Around the corner, and I’d be in front of the science building, where my friend spent most of her time, and thus, so did I, especially when finals came around.
While Vadika had on her protective goggles and shot pipettes across the room until one a.m., I slipped on my wire-framed glasses and worked on my laptop, eventually able to ignore her tiny whispers to herself as she counted microorganisms in a petri dish.
“Tell me, how did it go? What did they say?” she asked.
I readjusted my bag’s strap digging into my shoulder. Slowly, we continued to walk forward, Vadika directing me back toward the center of campus, where I knew she met up with her commuter group once a week. It was a mandatory club to make sure they were all adequately participating in Barnett culture even though they didn’t live there full time.
Vadika complained about it, but she always went back for the free, fresh donuts they laid out like a strange commuter's anonymous meeting.
