“I get that,” Ryan said softly. “You still worried about that party you wanted to host?”
I shrugged. I’d forgotten about that for the moment. “Kind of. For the longest time, moving on in life, I kept telling myself that things would get better. They’d get better when I was in middle school—”
Ryan scoffed.
I lifted a hand in agreement. “Then, I said it would get better in high school, and then I said it would get better in college.”
“And it didn’t?”
“No,” I said, “it did. Not right away, but it did. But I don’t know what to look forward to. I don’t know what I’m going to do afterward. It’s all finally better, and I feel good here, just kind of hiding out and living and spending time with my friends.”My family.
“That’s hard.”
I sighed. “It’s fine. It’s late. I’m thinking too much.”
“Nah. But it will be,” he said. Without pretense, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
I stiffened at the movement but did not move away. It was nice to be held. Plus, I was too tired to move.
“See? Something to look forward to in the future again.”
“What is?”
“Thewill be,” he repeated the two words from before. “Doesn’t have to take place during a monumental moment, like everyone else, right? It just happens.”
“Maybe.”
“It will be. You’re too interesting for great things not to happen to you.”
I looked up at Ryan, though there was no hint of a joke.
“Thanks for helping me. I owe you,” he said. One side of his mouth curved into a short smile as he glanced at the film on my laptop again. His eyes flickered back and forth between it and me, as if he expected me to say something great.
Movie. Me. Movie …
“I think I know what I want my reward to be,” Ryan whispered.
His lips tilted over mine in a breath of a second. It was barely a kiss, and yet our mouths touched all the same, as if sharing air, sharing this moment and everything we were with me in Ryan’s arms.
Ryan Gardner’s arms. The boy who had made fun of me right when I thought my life was turning around.
He kissed me softly, carefully, as if I were priceless glass before he pulled away. His eyes were still closed, as if he was afraid to open them again and find me staring up at him with a heavy-lidded gaze.
Eventually, his eyes did open, and there didn’t appear to be any fright or regret as he leaned back. But there was also nothing else. There was not another kiss. There was barely a breath, let alone a single word.
The movie played on, and at some point, I was the one to shut my eyes and let myself drift back into content darkness.
6
My gods, my back.
A vacuum cleaner rumbled in my ear from across the room, scraping over something hard and clacking, like a paper clip.
I groaned as I sat up. Hunched over, I rubbed my hands against my eyes before I opened them, stiff and butt numb. Behind me, or rather collapsed against my shoulder, Ryan stretched out.
He grunted as he leaned into his bad knee.
“Ugh, I’m so ready to get this brace off along with being done with my crutches soon,” he complained. His eyes were still closed as he took another deep breath, as if considering never moving from his spot where he laid, half on top of me. Every inch from his head to his waist was curved into mine.
