“In what ways? Didn’t you say you found your best friends and family here?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel as if I’d left one high school who looked at me like I was some sort ofotherfor another the moment I stepped on campus. For you, Barnett was a relief. For me, it was another test.”
Each new week was another for things to possibly form into something better. They never just arrived pretty and perfect, wrapped up in a bow. At least, not for me.
“Explain.”
“You,” I said.
“Me?”
“You made fun of me.”
His jaw clenched. “When?”
“It’s stupid.” To think I had been holding on to it for this long felt like it meant a lot more to me than I wanted it to.
Ryan’s words didn’t have any effect on me. At least, not more than I’d let on.
He didn’t even remember, clearly. I was insignificant to him.
“No, it’s not. I think it’s stupid that I don’t remember better,” he said, shaking his head down at himself. “Tell me.”
“It was during that first week of orientation at the SUB. All the first-years met together after a day full of those stupid community-building activities. Everything was new, and people were already forming groups. I was still not in one of those groups. But you noticed me.”
“I did?”
“You did. You noticed me—who had been, at the time, shy and terribly uneasy with her body over the past few years—and you and your friends on the football team ruined whatever shred of confidence I managed to get to Barnett in less than thirty seconds. Instead of saying hi, you smiled that ever-present smile of yours and made a joke.”
Ryan’s smile slowly faded into something painful as I went on.
“You said that I looked like a gothic freak show or Satan coming to steal innocent virgin souls—I don’t remember the specifics. I do remember all of them staring at me and laughing.” I waved a hand, as if it were all of a fleeting memory I shouldn’t have brought up.
“Oh.”
“You certainly got a good laugh,” I added quickly. “Anyway, maybe I should thank you. Vadika, my friend, overheard and promptly adopted me, which has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. She pieced me into the person I really was even if it is still unconventional.”
“I think you’re beautiful, Lu.”
My head whipped up to stare at him before I could avert my eyes back down to my book.
He nodded once. “I’m sorry I said those things. Honest. Back then, well, I wanted to be liked.”
I slowly nodded.Didn’t we all?
At least one of us had succeeded.
“Anyway, if it makes you feel better, I was basically just trying not to let the rest of the world know that I was included in that statement.”
“What?”
“An innocent virgin soul to steal,” Ryan joked with a shrug.
A moment passed before understanding swept over me. I blinked and pointed back to his laptop that, at some point, had fallen asleep.
“You need to focus on your paper, or we aren’t going to ever get done before the weekend is over, let alone before the sun makes a reappearance.”
“I’m working; I’m working.”
