“Honestly, man, I didn’t know you had it in you.” The guy, still up among the five or so people and not otherwise sprawled around on the bed or floor, patted Ryan on the back with a forceful hand.
“What do you mean?” Ryan reached around to rub the back of his head. He squirmed underneath the girl in his lap, but he didn’t ask her to move.
They looked good together.
They looked like they fit.
“I mean, getting with Lu Pierce. The weird girl you were always making fun of?”
“I didn’t make fun of her.”
“Whatever. I’m just saying, that’s seriously a new level of commitment. I’ve always thought the weird ones were oddly good in bed though. Right? Or did she just give good enough head?”
Ryan shrugged, blinking rapidly as his jaw worked left and right. “I—”
“You might not be with the team every day anymore, but you’re still a part of us here. You know, so you don’t have to keep running around with those other people who have no fun. We’re still your friends. At this rate, you’ll be competing with the rest of us to hit a Barnett home run now that you got her out of your system. Lauren’s been talking about you, too, you know. She’s probably around here somewhere.”
“Maybe.”
Something stabbed me through the chest as well as the stomach.
“That’s our Ryan. Took you long enough.”
Took me long enough to see it. To see all of it as I glanced one more time toward him and the girl still in his lap. Everything screamed at how I didn’t belong here, just like Lauren had. I was hollow as I took a step back, catching Ryan’s eye as I headed back out the door.
As I turned, I heard his voice call out, but I was already halfway down the stairs. I couldn’t be here right now.
I couldn’t stand to be anywhere.
“Luella!”
I kept walking. No one seemed to notice me as I pushed through the crowd to the front door to get outside where the party was. I went right through them until I was in the front yard.
“Lu. Wait!” Ryan called again.
“Why?” I flung back around to face him. “Why should I wait, Ryan? So I can listen to you and everyone else talk about me like I’m some sort of joke again? So you can tell me that maybe we were wrong this whole time? I hope you came up with better punch lines this time around.”
“What are you talking about?”
As if he didn’t know or didn’t understand. He was much smarter than he let on, and anyway, I’d heard him. They were talking about me like I was dirt, just like Natalie had. Just like those stupid people back home. I kept waiting to hear Ryan say something, anything at all. I was hoping he’d defend me. Instead, he just let it go. He’d shrugged like he hadn’t held me like I meant something.
My face scrunched with emotion as I pressed my lips together.
“Lu …” He reached out a hand, staring at my distress. “What happened?”
“Samhain on campus is canceled.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I just went back to my dorm.” I tried to calm down as I spoke, but I still wanted to scream. This didn’t matter anymore. None of this mattered when Ryan shouldn’t even be standing in front of me, so composed. “All the decorations and the plans—they’re gone. Ruined. That bitch and my roommate made sure of that before they called housing on me.”
“You’re kidding.”
“It’s done.”
It was all over. I should’ve known better than to put my energy into something that was never meant to happen. I kept doing it, even after I was told by Gertie and Celeste and the rest of them that I was only setting myself up for disappointment by avoiding the real things in life that I needed to figure out. But for one moment, I’d thought maybe this was all meant to happen.
The party.
