‘I could tell, but it’s OK, it means I get to do this instead which is just as good.’
Alex felt her eyes closing again as she snuggled into his chest. ‘Just give me five minutes and I’ll be ready to go for a night of passion.’
She heard him chuckle softly and kiss her head, then she knew no more.
CHAPTER 12
Alex woke up in the early hours of the morning. It was pitch black outside but the snow was making everything seem so much brighter.
She was lying on Quinn’s bare chest with his arms wrapped around her. A quick look under the sheets showed her he was completely naked too and there was something wonderfully intimate about that. She looked up at him while he slept. She was so in love with this man and she knew she was playing a dangerous game here because spending time with him like this meant she was falling in love with him that little bit more. This was everything she’d ever wanted and she was too afraid to take it for fear of losing it all over again. Somehow, not putting a label on it felt safer but she knew that it wasn’t.
She knew she couldn’t live the rest of her life in fear and worrying about the what-ifs but that didn’t make it any easier either. And somehow losing Quinn wouldhurt more than losing Liam and she felt horribly disloyal acknowledging that but she knew that was the truth. Maybe it was because, by the end, she had resented Liam and the life she led with him so much that it was harder to look objectively at the life they’d had together before his best friend died. Or maybe it was because her feelings for Quinn were so much stronger than those she’d had for Liam.
She thought back to the day before when she and Quinn had told each other they loved each other. It had been such a simple, silly thing, love declared by an over-decorated cookie, but it had meant the world to her. She hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about it and whether it was true; she didn’t know if she wanted to because what if he said he didn’t really love her? She’d also have to tell him whether her declaration was true and it would be very confusing to have to explain that she was utterly head over heels in love with him yet didn’t want a relationship with him. She didn’t even understand that herself.
Also there was the fear of finally telling Quinn the truth about the night Liam died. She couldn’t go much further into this… relationship or whatever she was trying to call it without telling him. She made a snap decision: she would tell him what happened as soon as he woke up, then at least if he decided he hated her and didn’t want any more to do with her, she could get out of this relatively unscathed. Who was she trying to kid? While she knew she’d be distraught if it all ended now, she’d be completely heartbroken if she never got to see Quinn again.
His eyes suddenly fluttered open and he smiled when he saw she was awake.
‘Hey beautiful,’ he said, stroking her hair.
Her heart soared with happiness.
‘Hi. Sorry for falling asleep.’
‘It’s totally fine. I couldn’t get away for a while. Besides, holding you in my arms was undoubtedly the best way to fall asleep.’
She smiled at that. ‘I slept really well too, you must be good for me.’
‘I like to think so.’
‘You know you mean the world to me.’
He smiled. ‘If you feel for me half of what I feel for you then I’d be happy.’
‘It’s probably more than that, a lot more.’
‘It’s impossible to feel more than what I feel.’
She laughed. ‘Are we competing to see who feels the most for each other?’
‘Ah, it’s a competition I would win,’ Quinn said, stroking her face. ‘If you asked me to marry you, I’d be marching you down the aisle the very next day. If I asked you to marry me, I suspect I’d be seeing an Alex-shaped hole in that door.’
She stared at him in shock. ‘You… You want to marry me?’
‘Look, I’m not pressuring you in any way, I will wait however long it takes for you to get there. But I’m already there. I meant what I said yesterday. I neverenvisaged saying those words to you for the first time over a cookie with your daughter and my mum in attendance but I’m in love with you and have been for years.’
Alex stared at him, tears welling in her eyes.
‘Hey, don’t cry. I’d never want to do anything to upset you. Please just forget I said anything.’
She shook her head. She never wanted to forget hearing those words. Quinn loved her. Tears spilled down her cheeks. And now she could lose it all.
He stroked them away, eyes filled with concern. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t be,’ her voice was choked. She wanted to say it back, to tell him she’d been in love with him almost since the first time they’d met, but the words were stuck in her throat.
So she did the only thing she could do, she leaned up and kissed him. He cupped the back of her head and kissed her back. She poured every ounce of love she had for this man into this kiss and she could feel the love he had for her too.
