‘Then you’re a braver and more compassionate person than I am.’
‘I just kept hoping that one day he would wake up and choose us rather than the whisky or the beer. I hoped that the Liam I married was still in there somewhere. I didn’t think we could ever go back to how we were, there was too much damage to our relationship for that, but I stayed because I wanted to help him.’
She sighed and Quinn stroked her hair. Knowing she still had more to say, he kept quiet, giving her the space to talk, but inside he was furious. How could his brother have treated Alex like that? The mother of his child, the woman he supposedly loved with all his heart. Despite his betrayal and nastiness, she had stayed to help him and Liam had still treated her like shit.
‘I wanted out so badly,’ Alex went on. ‘But I was always worried what he would do. Not to me, but to himself. He was so sad and so angry and nothing I did or said would change that. After he cheated on me, just to hurt me and gloat about it, I just couldn’t love him anymore. I cared what happened to him but I couldn’t foresee a time when we would ever be happy together again. I started to resent the life I had with him but I couldn’t see how I could ever move on. I missed having a loving partner, I missed that companionship, I missed kissing and cuddling with someone, and I did wonder if I’d ever have that again. And now he’s dead and I have the freedom I so desperately wanted. I can move on with someone else and I feel so guilty that his death means I can finally have that.’
Quinn pushed the hair from her face. ‘You’re a good person. You deserve to find love and I think Liam would have wanted that for you.’
‘Really?’ she sniffed.
‘Yes, he loved you, he would have wanted you to be happy.’
Alex stared at him and then let out a heavy, shaky breath. ‘I think you’re right.’
He stroked her back. Although she was no longer crying, she was still holding him and he had no intention of letting her go either.
‘So you can finally let go of this guilt,’ he said. ‘Liam, the old Liam that was sober, would never have wanted you to live your life in guilt and regret. He would have hated that he made your life so miserable, he’d want you to be happy.’
She nodded. ‘We talked about it once, before his life fell apart. You know, one of those silly conversations you have, what would you do if I die. He said he wanted me to find someone else if he died,’ she smiled. ‘As long as they weren’t hotter than him.’
Quinn laughed. ‘That’s typical Liam.’
‘I teased him and said, do you have any hot brothers. He said you were way hotter than him, hence why he never introduced us. Then he said if we ever met, we’d hit it off like a house on fire and we do. Then he grew serious and said if he could choose anyone for me to marry and be a dad to Zara after he died it would be you.’
Quinn felt the breath knocked out of him. Liam hadall but given his approval for him to ask Alex out. So maybe it was time he let go of the guilt of betraying his brother too.
‘And it’s true, you have been wonderful for Zara, she adores you,’ Alex went on. ‘I’m so glad we met.’
‘I am too.’
‘But while Zara is obviously a priority, I’m not just looking for someone who fits with her, I want someone for me too.’
Was she discreetly trying to tell him that she wasn’t interested in him?
‘What is it you’re looking for?’
‘And there’s the big question. Love of course, the can’t-sleep-can’t-breathe kind of love, with someone who feels that way about me too. Someone who is kind but makes me laugh.’ Alex bit her lip. ‘Sexual chemistry is important.’
He felt his eyebrows shoot up.
‘I know, I know. It shouldn’t be a factor. There are more important things than that. But I want someone to make me feel alive. It has been so long since I’ve been kissed, the kind of kiss that makes you see stars, that gives you butterflies, that leaves you breathless. And while I’m doing this online dating to ultimately find love, get married again, have the happy ever after, there’s a part of me that just wants one heart-stopping kiss.’
‘You… want to be kissed?’
Alex nodded. Her eyes cast down to his lips and his heart leapt. She wanted him to kiss her. It would be soeasy to bend his head and kiss her right now, something he’d wanted to do for years. Every single part of him wanted that but he couldn’t do it. Not here. She was upset and emotional and he didn’t want to take advantage of that.
And did she just mean a kiss or did she mean something more?
His stomach rolled at the thought of her sleeping with some man, desperate to have that connection with someone, and him not treating her with the care and respect she deserved. Quinn could give her that but it obviously wasn’t completely selfless. But could he really have no-strings-attached sex with the woman he was in love with? And what happened if he helped her back onto the horse for her to ride into the sunset with someone else?
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and they leapt apart as if they’d been doing something wrong.
‘Is anyone going to serve out here?’ called a voice Quinn recognised instantly as belonging to Elizabeth, Lovegrove Bay’s biggest gossip. She was certainly going to get a big kick out of seeing them in here together.
Alex stepped up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. ‘Thank you.’
‘For what?’
