I follow quickly after, leaving Kaiden, Malik, and Rhett talking about the Conclave and the progress they’ve made so far in finding the kidnapped fae. But even though I’m tired as fuck, I can’t doze off because I keep staring at Sam, sleeping like a rock, to make sure her chest still rises and falls, rises and falls. As quietly as I can, I slide out of the sleeping bag, grab my jacket, and exit the tent.
Rhett said he was going to keep watch for tonight, but instead I find Malik. He’s staring into the fire with a forlorn expression and turns at the sound of leaves crunching under my boots. “Hey, sweets.”
“Mind if I sit?”
“Go ahead. But if you’re going to punch me, please do it here.” He taps his right cheek. “The left is my good side. Gotta keep looking handsome for the ladies. Or men. I don’t discriminate.” The smile he gives me doesn’t reach his eyes, though.
I plop down next to him. “I’m not here to hit you. Though you deserve it.”
“Oh. Couldn’t sleep?”
“Yeah.”
“Me neither.”
“I, um, I keep seeing Sam after you pulled her out of that lake. Not breathing.” A shudder passes through me. “That was close. Too close.”
“I know what you mean.” There’s a pause filled only by thecrackling wood. When he speaks, it’s barely above a whisper. “How is she?”
“Physically, I think she’s okay. Emotionally…not so much.” I let out a sigh. “Listen, there’s this big part of me that wants to wring your neck, but no matter how much I want to hate you for everything you put her through, I can’t. Maybe that makes me a shitty friend because I don’t trulyknowyou. And let’s just say I’ve come to the bitter realization that my judgment is not the best when people are involved, but you always gave me the impression that you’re a good person. And I already know Sam’s side of things. I was wondering if you would like to share yours too. If you want, of course,” I blurt out the last part.
We sit in silence once again while Malik ponders my words. “I don’t talk about that part of my life—it’s too painful. I haven’t even told Kaiden aside from some bits and pieces. But I swear I never wanted to hurt her. You have to understand…back then, before Kaiden took over the Conclave, things were different between dark and light witches. Mammon didn’t give a shit if we killed each other. And nothing makes you more ruthless than the thirst for power.” He lets out a bitter laugh. “I just couldn’t see it because I was nothing more than a stupid kid ready to do anything for his mother’s approval. Not that it makes me any less guilty because, at the end of the day, I did everything she wanted without coercion. But my little sister—fuck—she was so sick,” his voice breaks as he blinks rapidly to clear the brimming tears.
“There’s a steep price to pay for wielding dark magic. Your body either gets accustomed to it, or it doesn’t. Few make it. And that grimoire was the one thing that could make my sister better. At least that’s what my mother told me, and I believed her because why would she lie, right? What kind of mother doesn’t want to save her child? They were supposed to break into the house, steal the grimoire, and leave…but they did so muchmore.”
Brows drawn, I stare at my feet for a few moments, speechless. “I don’t know what to say. While I’m not sure she’ll ever be able to forgive you, I think you should at least try explaining everything to Sam.”
He huffs. “She would rather jump off a cliff than talk to me, and I don’t blame her.”
“That’s because she and her father shared a very special bond. And trust me ’cause I’m speaking from personal experience; even if you can’t remember your relationship with your parent, their death is not something you can easily get over. And Sam…she idolized her father. But I still think you should try.” I let out a weighted sigh. “Can I ask you something else?”
He hikes a shoulder. “Go ahead.”
“After you healed me and Emily in the cemetery, why did you refuse to pull more power from Kaiden so you could heal yourself?”
“Because someone like me doesn’t deserve redemption or absolution.” His words are whispered.
I don’t want to poke old wounds further, so I stand.
“Can you please keep everything we talked about between us?”
“Of course,” I say as I turn away.
Malik circles my wrist to stop me. “I don’t think you’re a poor judge of character. Kaiden is the best man I know and the closest thing I have to a brother. You weren’t wrong about that. If someone deserves a second chance, it’s him.”
“He took away the first fifteen years of my life. And then he lied to me—by omission, but he still did.”
“Sometimes, you do desperate things to save the people you love. And he does love you. Fiercely.” He lets me go.
I trudge back to the tent with my heart lodged in my throat and another dent in my armor.
36
Iris
Imumble a curse under my breath as I trip for the umpteenth time on yet another tree root. Not only do I miss my enhanced vision that allowed me to see in the dark, but my legs feel as heavy as cinder blocks from trekking through the woods for three entire days. I know it’s crazy, but it’s as though these roots have free will and they’re playing tricks on me because I could have sworn there weren’t this many on my way out to pee. I knew it was a bad idea to drink so much water before going to sleep. Especially since the flashlights we brought from home have already died. Rhett said things from the human realm rarely function here for long or at all.
While my eyes are glued to the ground, a gnarled branch smacks me across the face. It splits my cheek open like a serratedblade.Motherfucker. Blood trickles down from the cut, and I wipe it gingerly with my fingers. Once we started approaching the Wasting Woods, the trees became slimmer but denser and apparently deadlier, too.
