His thumb circles over the back of my hand in slow, soothing motions. I’m not sure he realises he’s doing it, that he’s using me to anchor him. “This isn’t a social worker refusing to move you out of an abusive home, firefly. This isn’t a cracked rib from a drunk prick with anger issues and wandering hands. This is brothers turning on brothers. This is blood on the floors and the walls that’s going to take a generation to clean up.” He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to block out whatever horror scene is building in his head. “If something happens to you… If I let them touch you?—”
His voice breaks, and for the first time he drops his façade enough for me to see the real terror in his eyes. My heart squeezes like there’s a fist wrapped around it.
“And what do you think I do if something happens to you?” He blinks once. Then again. As if he never considered this outcome. “I have to live with that, Zane.” Now my voice is cracking. I reach out, stroking my knuckles over his cheek, needing to touch him. He leans into my hand, as if drawn like a magnet. “I understand why you did it. I can even forgive you for hiding the truth, but I want to be clear. What you did wasn’t protection. It was fear dressed up in control. You’re not doing me a favour by shutting me out. You’re not keeping me safe. You’re keeping me ignorant. You’re isolating me. And that’s not love. Not in the way I need it from you.”
The way he looks at me, like he’s hanging on by his fingernails, like he’s two breaths from drowning in his own head.
“We’ve survived worse shit together,” I continue. “It’s what we do. It’s you and it’s me against the world. That’s how it’s always been. You don’t get to leave me behind while you’re off battling monsters. Not this time.”
He finally leans his forehead to mine, as if he’s trying to merge with me. His hands come to cup my face, his breath steady for the first time since we walked back into the house. “I’m fucking terrified.”
It hits me like a wrecking ball to hear him say that. “I know. I am too.”
“I just wanted you to be able to breathe easy for once. I wanted to give you a life where you weren’t looking over your shoulder.”
My heart breaks at that. He’s always felt like he had to shoulder things. Not anymore. I don’t want or need that protection from him. I want to be his partner. “I wouldrather walk through the fire with you then sit alone in the ashes of what you leave behind.”
His lips twitch just a fraction. “Poetic.”
“The truth.”
He lets out a long breath. “You’re going to be the death of me, firefly.”
“Neither of us are dying,” I say firmly.
He shudders, full body trembles. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. I am too. I didn’t mean to hurt you with those papers. I just didn’t know what else to do to reach you.”
He buries his head in the crook of my neck, his breath warm against my skin. I want to stay like this forever, locked in him. I love him so much, but he has to learn that it’s not his job to protect me from the world.
My fingers rake through his hair in a slow rhythm until his body relaxes against me. Like we’re sixteen again and he’s just taken a punch from one of his shit head foster parents. How many times did we stand like this? Him burying his emotions while I tried to tease them free?
“I have to go back,” he mumbles into my shoulder before he straightens. His eyes are heavy but resolved. “I have to fix this, and not just for us, Kenna, but for the club too. For my brothers who still believe in a better future. I want you to be a part of this. I want the life we were promised when I took this patch. Because walking away? That’s not an option, so if I’m stuck in this, I’m going to burn it to the ground and rebuild it the way it should have been.” He strokes my face. “It’s not going to be easy, but it’ll be the club I wanted to become a part of.”
I hate that this is the choice. Fight and hope to fix things. Run and spend our lives looking over our shoulders.
It’s not a choice at all.
But it’s the only path we have.
“You think you can do it?”
“I don’t know. When I joined the Sons, firefly, it was… it was all about family. That message got murky over the last few years in our chapter but it’s not the way of the club. London, Manchester—the other chapters all orbit around loyalty, brotherhood and family. We got lost, but I think we can find our way back. And then we can build our life in a world that takes care of its own. That’s what I always wanted for you.”
I kiss him. I can’t help it. I need to touch him, to feel him.
It’s soft, gentle in a way we never are with each other, but in this moment that’s what we both need. He brushes his mouth over mine like I’m the only thing he’ll ever want, and my body reacts instantly. How did I think I could live without this man? Without his mouth, his touches, his desire for me.
I’ve missed him so much that my chest aches as I melt into him.
I love Zane and whatever happens next, it’ll be with me by his side, as it’s always been.
Him and me against the world.
“Then I’m coming with you,” I say when we break apart, “whether you like it or not.”
THIRTEEN
