There’s a sense of urgency in her voice that has me pulling back so she can see the truth in my eyes. “I mean every word, baby. You are everything I could possibly have asked for in a Little girl, and I love you so very much.”
For a second, it seems as though she might say something else, but then she just beams that happy smile and nods. “I love you too, Mommy.”
Unease tickles the back of my mind, but I push it aside. No need to ruin a perfectly lovely moment with my own insecurities. “Come on, little one. Let’s go show off that beautiful new dress.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Lexie
Later that night, I lie in my crib staring up at the blank ceiling above me. I was supposed to be asleep hours ago, but my brain just won’t turn off.
Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost the desire to leave the island. And honestly, I’m not sure I care. There’s really not anything for me back home. But here I have Mommy and a family and a life I never could have dreamed of.
It’salmostperfect.
And yet, it’s not. Because no matter how many times my Mommy tells me I’m the best Little girl in the world, no matter how many times she tells me how perfect I am, I don’tfeelperfect. I still feel somehow too much and not enough at the same time, and I don’t know how to fix that.
How to fixme.
Huffing softly, I roll onto my side, the events of today playing over and over in my mind. Even though we didn’t get to spend much time alone today, Mommy did pay me lots ofextra attention. Because she was feeling guilty? Or because of something I did?
She liked it when I was nice to Miss Myra. Just like back at the farm, she seemed extra proud of me when I was sweet and kind and said lots of nice things to people. Those were the times she actually told people how lucky she was to be my Mommy.
Today was also the first time I’d ever actually seen Tori get in Big Trouble. And even though Mommy was just as nice to her as ever, it didn’t feel like she preferred Tori over me like it usually does.
So I was right, back at the farm. Being extra good is the only way to prove to my Mommy that I really am the perfect Little girl, at least when it comes to my behavior since I know I’ll never be physically perfect enough for her.
Plans made, I force my eyes closed and try to will myself to sleep. And dream of all the ways I can prove to my Mommy that I’m actually worthy of her love.
Catharina
Standing outside the door of Alexis’s nursery, I frown down at the silent monitor in my hand.
It’s been nearly two weeks since our trip to Solene’s and my Little girl has been… different. Not once since our outing have I had a reason to put her over my knee or even threaten her with a punishment. She has been, in every possible way, the perfect Little girl.
I don’t approve.
Not just because I want a reason to spank her, though that certainly comes into play. I miss having her squirm and kick overmy lap while I turn her naughty bottom bright pink and lecture her to tears. Even more, I miss the snuggly way she curls up in my arms after a particularly harsh punishment. While we’ve had plenty of opportunities for cuddles, it just isn’t quite the same.
More than that, though, I can’t shake the feeling that something iswrong. That Alexis’s behavior has nothing to do with any natural inclination to be well behaved and everything to do with something deeper.
I just have no fucking clue what thatsomethingmight be.
Shaking off those melancholy thoughts, I shove the monitor in my pocket and push open the nursery door. “Rise and shine, sleepy girl!”
In her crib, Alexis sits up and rubs at her eyes. “Mommy?”
“Yes, baby. Mommy’s right here. Have you used your diaper?”
A pretty blush covers her cheeks. “Uh-huh.”
“Good girl. Let’s get you up and out of that diaper and into your bathing suit.”
Everything about her lights up. “Waterpark day!”
Laughing, I help her out of the crib and up onto her changing table. “That’s right, baby. Waterpark day. Are you excited to go be a mermaid?”
“Yes! But not the water slides. Those sound scary.”
