“Tell Mommy what’s wrong, baby.”
Confessing means laying bare some of my most deep-seated insecurities. But if she wants to keep me, she should know what a mess she’s gotten herself into. Maybe letting her see how broken I am will convince her I’m more trouble than I’m worth, and she’ll let me go home.
I can’t tell if the twisting in my stomach is hope or terror.
“I don’t want anyone else to see me. I’m not… like you.”
Her mouth dips down in a frown. “Of course you're not like me, baby. You’re a Little girl and I’m your Mommy.”
“No, I mean, I’m not pretty. Or thin, like you.”
Everything seems to go still around me. Even the air itself seems to pause, waiting for her to respond, for her to finallylookat me and realize I’m not what she wants.
That I’m not enough.
“My sweet babygirl. You arebeautiful.”
It’s not so much the words as the way she says them, her voice breathy, almost reverent like she’s in a house of worship, that has my eyes filling with fresh tears. “No I’m not,” I whisper back, shaking my head.
“You are.” More firmly now, her eyes sparking with determination as her hand slides over my thigh, her fingers digging into my skin. “And this? I fuckinglovethis. All this sweet, snuggly flesh for me to sink into, the weight of you on my lap when I cuddle you. I love every fucking inch of your body, Alexis Paige, and if I have to parade you around town naked for you to learn to love it as much as I do, then I will.”
There’s a fierceness in her tone that tells me she’s prepared to do exactly that. “But I’m…fat.”
The word feels gross on my tongue, years of teasing and taunting and bullying imbuing it with the power to tear at the most tender parts of me.
Mommy raises an eyebrow at me, and I nearly whimper in anticipation of the punishment to come. “I do not like you using that word to make yourself feel yucky, Alexis. While I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad word, if I catch you using it to make yourself feel bad, or if I catch you talking badly about yourself in any way, you will be eating soap for a week. Am I understood, little girl?”
“Yes, Mommy,” I rush to assure her, even though it feels inevitable that I’ll say something to upset her sooner rather than later. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
Her expression softens, and her touch is gentle on my face. “I’m not mad at you, little one. I’m mad at everyone who madeyou feel that the body you have isn’t worthy of love. But Mommy is going to teach you better. Starting with some exposure therapy—quite literally.”
The door to the room opens and another woman slips inside, short and slender, with hair so white it almost seems transparent.Shealmost seems transparent, a wisp of a person, and when she smiles at me I’m left with the impression she’s a million miles away instead of in this room.
“Catharina. I assume this is the lovely Alexis?”
Lovely? I might think Catharina put her up to saying that, if we hadn’t literally just finished our conversation five seconds before she walked in the door.
“Luna, how lovely to see you again. And yes, this is my sweet babygirl, Alexis Paige. Say hello to Luna, little one.”
“H-hi, Luna.”
“Hello, Alexis.” Luna flits about the room, moving things around before settling on a chair between my spread thighs. “Have you ever been waxed before?”
“Notthere.”
“I see, I see. Well, it’s going to hurt. But your Mommy will hold your hand through it. And when we’re done, I have a cooling pack to put in your diaper to help with the swelling.” Luna tilts her head, looking up at my Mommy thoughtfully. “Since you don’t have a beard, fingering and cunnilingus should both be fine. I’d avoid any activity that requires your genitals to come into contact with hers for at least twenty-four hours, as it could cause significant irritation.”
“Thank you, Luna.”
“You’re welcome. Should we schedule your next session to align with Alexis’s, so you two can be more in sync?”
“That would be wonderful, Luna.”
“I’ll make a note in both your files. For now, Alexis, this is going to hurt but it will feel so nice when it’s done. Ready?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Mommy’s right here, little one.” Taking my hand in hers, Mommy gives it a hard squeeze. “And you can hold my hand as tight as you need to if it hurts.”
