‘Oh right, that’s .?.?. great. Got to go, byeee!’
Ally could hear a male voice in the background before the call was cut off. She’d been relegated to secondary importance behind Fergus, who was clearly a bit of an eejit, even if he was preternaturally brave in the face of runaway furniture.
Fuck! They’d clearly all had a lovely lads’ night in the apartment yesterday before the two of them jumped into bed. She hadn’t wanted to be there, exactly .?.?. Still, it would have been better than sitting here on her own – and she was the one who’d known them all first!
Oh, well, there was only one solution: hoovering. After the half hour it took (small apartment), she felt about seven per cent better. OK, that evening was family dinner, so, having learned her lesson the previous month, she decided to start being positive and try to make life choices that would enhance, rather than sabotage, her life.
She chose a cute black knitted mini with chiffon sleeves, embroidered with red flowers, and teamed it with knee-length black patent boots. She studied herself in the mirror and decided it was a clear win – she looked a good sixty-nine per cent better than she felt.
But wait .?.?. How could she be so selfish and uncaring? Sally could go into labour at any moment .?.?. which made her a sort of fish nana (even though she was the only one allowed to say it). This was an emergency. Ally flung on her coat and made for thecar – she needed advice, and fast.
‘Sooooo .?.?.’ said the earnest-looking assistant at the aquarium section of Petstop. ‘Your guppy sounds like she’s about to drop fry.’
Bloody hell, thought Ally, that sounded more like an unfortunate accident with a spice bag; however, the girl seemed to be an expert so she just nodded mutely.
‘Right .?.?. first, you need to build a nursery for the little ones.’ Oh my God, a nursery! What, murals and mobiles? And to think she’d nearly ignored the whole thing.
‘You’re going to need lots of live plants for her, so she’ll feel safe.’ Ally nodded vigorously – nothing was too good for her unborn fish. ‘And then protect the fry, or the parents will eat them.’ Jesus, what sort of a world was this?
In the end Ally left with a full bag of equipment: a net to separate the parents from the babies once they were born, baby fish food, etc.
She spent the rest of the afternoon planting slimy plants, then turned down the lights, which the girl had told her could bring on theevent. Oh well, at least now she could let nature take its course, and hope to God the babies didn’t all get eaten while she was at family dinner.
* * *
She pulled up to Mum and Dad’s feeling like she’d little to lose. According toLove Links, the truth was that nothing was as good or as bad as you expected. So, this evening would be fine, she was sure of it.
God, books could be such a load of shite!
No sooner had she been offered one of Dad’s turbocharged gin and tonics than she was hit by the first salvo.
‘Have you heard the news? Francis is engaged!’
Which immediately felt like a kick in the rear – and then she noticed that Mum was tearing up.
‘I always imagined that in the end it’d all come right and he’d end up part of the family,’ she sobbed, blowing her nose in the paper doily from the cheesy nibbles. All Ally could do was stand there and take a large slug of gin, trying to ignore Dad’s ‘how could you upset your mother like that’ face. Oh God, was that what Francis had been trying to text her? That his sexy giggling with the Tadpole in The Owl’s Nest had been a hundred per cent sincere and they’d both found The One. He must have been feeling sorry for her and wanted to break it to her himself, but in her clueless arrogance, she’d thought he was just out for the chance of another under-the-radar shag.
A tense ten minutes later, Maeve arrived with Luna, who was in the middle of a full-on tantrum.
‘I donnwanna poo on the potty.I wanna do it in the garden like Coco does,’ she wailed, flinging herself on the manky sheepskin rug.
‘Oh God, I swear she’s already sussed it .?.?. This is going to be a long pregnancy,’ said Maeve through gritted teeth. ‘OK, fam, just sharing with you: Rob is in Vancouver for the next ten days and I’m ten weeks pregnant. And don’t bring those cheesy Wotsits near me or I swear I’ll puke.’
‘That’s such a coincidence, my fish is pregnant.’ Ally heard the words before she could stop herself.
Normally, as the middle child, what she said at family gatherings passed virtually unnoticed, but wouldn’t you know it, this time, the conversation stopped dead.
‘What?’ said somebody. Mum looked heartbrokenly at her, before bursting into tears again. Dad and Damo looked baffled, while Maeve just rolled her eyes. Ally was now, officially, an object of pity with everyone – apart from Maeve, who normallylooked unfazed by anything, but today seemed to be only just about holding it together.
‘I could babysit for you any time you need a rest, Maeve.’
It was humbling to see the look of relief on her sister’s face.
‘Seriously? I always think you’re so busy .?.?. Would you like that, Luna? Have Auntie Ally look after you?’
‘Auntie Ally, if you look after me could we bath my hamster in the bidet?’ enquired Luna, without meeting her mother’s eye.
‘I could even take her overnight .?.?.’ she heard herself recklessly offering. ‘If you let me know what she needs.’
